Feeling Indifferent Toward Your Partner
You make dinner. You sit down to eat with your significant other. You eat together while watching television. You talk about recent eventualities. Then, you drink some water. You look at each other and smile. After that, they tell you a story about their family. You listen closely as you eat in silence. You love each other. They’re an important part of your life.
However, you no longer feel connected to them. You’d never wish for something bad to happen to them, but it’s just not the same anymore. Let’s be real here: who hasn’t gone through this at least once? We dare to say most of us have. Feeling indifferent towards your partner is a complex and painful issue we sometimes don’t understand.
Feeling indifferent towards your partner is difficult because, for some reason, this indifference intensifies as time goes on. More often than not, a state of discomfort and emotional distress manifests and you can’t seem to overcome it. That’s when you ask yourself what’s really going on and if something has changed. Do I not love them anymore? Did we become victims of monotony?
Although nothing particularly bad has happened, the magic connection you once had has disappeared. Phrases such as “We’re more friends than a couple” or “I see them more as a friend than as my significant other” are common in many relationships. Is it time to put an end to the relationship or is it possible to rekindle the flame?
“I think it’s important to realize that you can miss something, but not want it back.”
-Paulo Coelho-
Feeling indifferent towards your partner
Love is quite an abstract concept due to its many nuances. As a matter of fact, the concept of love can be relative. If we stick to the Buddhist definition, love is the desire and aspiration for all beings to be happy. From this point of view, you still love your partner despite the fact that you’re feeling indifferent towards them because you wish them well. However, there’s a change that can’t be overlooked. Although you wish them the best, you no longer feel happy being in a relationship with them.
You may have stopped seeing your partner as a life partner and, instead, you now see them as someone who is by your side but doesn’t contribute to who you are anymore. You attentively listen to their stories out of obligation instead of genuine interest. You no longer care about being intimate with them.
Everything has a defined time
The famous idea that a relationship should last forever against all odds can be very damaging. There’s no piece of work, professional article, or text that implies that all relationships should last the same amount of time. In addition, it’s necessary to understand that those that last longer aren’t necessarily better. In that sense, having high relationship expectations, especially about its duration, can be counterproductive. Postponing the inevitable breakup even when you don’t feel like being with them anymore can push the relationship to a point where it may end badly for all parties.
On the other hand, putting an end to a relationship isn’t easy. Although you want to end it, you still may feel all kinds of negative emotions. So, despite the fact that you’re feeling indifferent towards your partner, just thinking of losing them can make you feel anxious, sad, and angry. No one likes losing someone they love and care about, no matter the circumstance.
That being said, anxiety and discomfort are common in breakups. Thus, if you accept certain emotions as normal and transient, it’ll be much easier for you to cope with the breakup.
“Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny.”
-Steve Maraboli-
Now it’s time for you to learn to be alone
When you finally end the relationship, you may ask yourself what comes next. Some people are inclined to immediately look for another person. Although all cases are different, jumping from one relationship to another usually means one thing: the need to fill the void with another person instead of facing it.
On the other hand, some people prefer to be alone for a while. However, when a relationship ends, the best option is to learn how to be alone, which isn’t a bad thing at all. This is the best way to avoid getting into another relationship just to fill a void.
Many people are unable to lead their lives without someone by their side. As romantic as that may sound, this is actually a sign of emotional dependence.
Many people are terrified of being alone and having no one to hug or kiss 24/7. They refuse to listen to their own thoughts. This is a clear indication of an inner emptiness that they try to fill with external affection. Given how demanding this is, not many people are able to fulfill that role just as the other person wants them to, thus condemning the new relationship to an inevitable end.
In brief, it’s important to remember that feeling indifferent towards your partner isn’t something you should ignore. It’s a clear sign that something is wrong in the relationship and that your feelings have changed. No matter how hard and painful ending the relationship may seem, it’s definitely your best bet before the situation gets worse.
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- García, F. E., & Ilabaca Martínez, D. (2013). Ruptura de pareja, afrontamiento y bienestar psicológico en adultos jóvenes. Ajayu Órgano de Difusión Científica del Departamento de Psicología UCBSP, 11(2), 42-60.
- Rodríguez de Medina Quevedo, I. (2013). La dependencia emocional en las relaciones interpersonales.
- García, C. Y. (1997). Curso temporal de los componentes básicos del amor a lo largo de la relación de pareja. Psicothema, 9(1), 1-15.
- Moyeda, I. X. G., Ojeda, F. J. R., Velasco, A. S., & Luquin, E. W. N. (2019). Dependencia emocional y mitos del amor en estudiantes de dos niveles educativos. Revista Iberoamericana de Psicología, 12(3), 21-32.