Falling in Love Too Easily: Why Does It Happen?
“Why do I fall in love so easily even though I know it’ll probably go wrong? Many people find themselves asking this question on a daily basis. They’re unable to understand the reason for those giddy feelings and overflowing emotions every time someone new appears in their lives.
They say that the personality who falls in love too easily is emotionally immature and even irresponsible to a certain extent. Sometimes, they leave one relationship to start a new one, discarding their old love to embrace a new one and take advantage of the dopamine and ‘serotonin rush’ they feel.
One undeniable fact is that this makes them suffer. These individuals are defined by emotional volatility. They fall in love frequently. They get excited about some people and become bored with others, have dreams about a new neighbor or colleague, or even start to look at the server in the coffee shop in a romantic way. However, this ultimately causes them disappointment and hurt.
Indeed, their love isn’t always reciprocated. Moreover, their new partner may not end up being what they expected. That’s because those who fall in love too easily are always in a hurry. Therefore, they’re in danger of seeing something in a partner that isn’t really there. They also often put their self-esteem and dignity aside. If this sounds like you, let’s look at why it happens.
Falling in love too easily
Nothing is as exciting as falling in love. The brain becomes trapped in a chemical shipwreck orchestrated by neurotransmitters. The mind is inflamed with hopes, fantasies, and desires. In fact, there can be few things that are as enjoyable as the kind of instant attraction felt for that special someone who suddenly appears on the scene.
Arthur Aron is a social psychologist who’s an expert in motivation at New York University (USA). He wrote an article concerning the expansion of the self. He claims that when a person we’re attracted to appears, our emotional intensity magnifies and our expectations are renewed. We even pay more attention to ourselves, hoping to be desirable to others.
We could say that when we fall in love, not only does life look different, but we also look different. In effect, we cover ourselves in effervescent positivity. This feeling can be extremely addictive for people in love. Here are some of the reasons why you might fall in love too easily.
1. The tendency to idealize: a form of suffering
Sometimes, you fall in love too easily because you idealize excessively. Maybe you’re one of those people with a natural tendency to look at those you find attractive in an excessively positive light.
Sigmund Freud said that, when we choose someone, we give them dimensions that we’d like to have ourselves. For instance, confidence, ingenuity, originality, charisma, charm, intellectual brilliance, etc. In other words, those who are in love project onto others what they most admire and desire.
2. Fear of commitment
If you fall in love with everyone, you don’t really fall in love with anyone. Maybe you think that real love only represents bad times and problems. Like a bitter drink, you avoid drinking it all and just wet your lips and take a little sip.
3. Fear of loneliness
Falling in love quickly can be a sign of a deep fear of loneliness. Our culture promotes the idea that not having a partner is negative. Consequently, many are afraid of being alone.
4. Low self-esteem: Looking for anyone to fill the emptiness
If you suffer from low self-esteem, you’re desperately seeking something or someone to cover up your own shortcomings and insecurities. In fact, almost without realizing it, you feel attracted to anyone who treats you well, compliments you, treats you with affection, or highlights some of your positive qualities.
When you only love yourself a little (or not at all) you settle for crumbs.
5. Getting immediately excited (an addiction to falling in love)
Maybe you’re addicted to falling in love, but not love itself. You could be addicted to dopamine, the neurotransmitter that appears in the first phase of attraction. However, attraction involves a deceitful kind of love. It tricks your mind and makes you fantasize due to your feelings of desire.
The substances that your brain secretes in the early stages of falling in love seduce you as they produce such enjoyable feelings. They start as soon as you see someone who attracts you. Regardless of whether it ends in a sexual encounter or a relationship or not, your brain can’t help but get excited.
6. The dependent personality
Behind a dependent personality often lies the fear of loneliness. They also need to always have someone by their side, and this doesn’t even necessarily have to be the right person. They just want someone lying next to them in bed or sitting next to them on the sofa.
If this is you, your fear and anguish of loneliness make you feel attracted to anyone who, at any given time, shows interest in you. It can cause you to jump from person to person and relationship to relationship, every time you’re given some form of attention.
7. Not learning from past experiences
Some people don’t learn from their mistakes. In fact, no matter how painful their past experiences have been, they repeat them again. Tilmann Klein and Dr. Markus Ullsperger from the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig, (Germany) have conducted research in this regard.
They claim that the reason why some people don’t learn from their failures or mistakes could be genetic in origin and orchestrated by the A1 mutation. This alteration reduces the number of D2 receptors in the brain. These are the sites where dopamine is found. It means that people no longer have any interest or motivation in learning from their failures of the past. Consequently, they repeat them continuously.
It’s important to know what orchestrates your behavior when you’re in love. Knowing the causes that motivate you to be excited almost constantly about certain people can help you control your conduct. After all, the last thing these situations bring is happiness.
Learn to fall in love more slowly
To begin with, you can start by coming to terms with being single as a concept. It’s highly likely that behind every one of your fleeting crushes lies a deep fear of loneliness. Therefore, you need to recognize being single as a favorable time for promoting self-knowledge and rediscovering yourself by enjoying your own company.
Likewise, strengthening your self-esteem and learning to value yourself as you are will gradually help you to avoid falling in love at first sight. You’ll be able to nurture your patience to gradually fall in love based on what you’re learning and valuing about the other person.
Keep your attention in the present, focus on today, and on the things you do every day to achieve each of your goals. Bear in mind that your crushes often come from the desire to avoid your current problems. You disguise them by placing your hopes in an idealized and impossible future with someone you only just met.
Finally, learn to give yourself time, to meet that person you like, and gradually fall in love with them. Enjoy each small step toward love, without any false expectations and idealizations.It might interest you...
All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.
- Aron, A & Aron, EN. (1986). Love and the Expansion of Self: Understanding Attraction and Satisfaction, New York, NY, US: Hemisphere Publishing Corp/Harper & Row.
- Bailey 2nd, J. A. (2003). The foundation of self-esteem. Journal of the National Medical Association, 95(5), 388.
- Bamalan, O. A., & Al Khalili, Y. (2019). Physiology, serotonin. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK545168/
- Fernández, L. (2018). Sigmund Freud. Praxis Filosófica, (46), 11-41.