You can’t just talk about how you feel when everything is great. In fact, it’s actually much more important to talk about it when things aren’t going well. If you feel confused, annoyed, or unsure, silence definitely isn’t the way out. Express your emotions. Talk about what’s bothering you. Don’t just leave it inside and let it start hurting you.
You have to say what’s on your mind and express your emotions in every situation. It goes beyond that, too: you have to do it early on. It’s not always easy to find the right moment, but you gain a lot by trying. You’ll also start to get better and better at being timely and accurate.
Express your emotions and keep this in mind…
There’s no exact formula for figuring out what is and isn’t good emotional communication. But there is a principle you can use to guide you. That principle is to express your emotions when you have a really strong urge to. Do it when you feel like your immediate well-being depends on it.
It’s a fact that we feel a strong urge to say the first thing that comes into our head when we’re irritated or angry. Most of the time you end up regretting it if you follow that impulse, though. In the end, it really wasn’t what you were trying to express at all. Instead, you’ve just done damage and made it harder to communicate effectively.
That’s why there’ a second important principle for good emotional communication. The principle is to not speak during intensely passionate moments. Don’t talk and don’t act when you’re in this state. The only thing you should do is breathe. It’ll help you get stable and get your mind working properly again.
Positive and negative emotions
It’s always easier to learn to speak from the heart if you only talk about positive emotions. Of course, you should never keep quiet about it when you feel something positive. It’s a good way to start connecting your emotions and your words, without so many thoughts in between. In other words, it’s a way of becoming more spontaneous.
But you obviously have to be more careful with negative emotions. The sad truth is that a lot of us are taught to repress our negative emotions. We’re told to see them as inconvenient and improper, and as a source of conflict. So it make sense that they would teach us that it’s always best to cover them up or keep them quiet. That ends up being very toxic, though.
We’re using the term “negative emotions” for the sake of being understood. We don’t actually mean that negative emotions are unhealthy, because they can be healthy too. You just feel the way you feel, and no emotion comes around on its own. Sadness, anger, and outrage are just a few examples of emotions we usually call “negative.” But a lot of the time these are the ones that can help you evolve, grow, and solve recurring problems.
They start as a little annoyance and then end up as an explosion
When something bothers you, frustrates you, or you deny it, that means you have a feeling of displeasure. You want to push the discomfort away, and that’s why so often you’ll choose to ignore what these emotions say. That’s a mistake. This means denying that you feel what you feel, or repressing it. All that will achieve is hiding it inside you like a ticking time bomb waiting to go off.
This especially has to do with any negative emotions that come up in situations that are important to you. Being quiet isn’t an option. If you stay silent, the suppressed conflict could explode out of you at any moment. It’s usually in the worst possible way, too. Sometimes it come out in huge displays of rage. At other times, it shows up as a behavior that hurts other people. Harmful emotions will always find a way to express themselves if you don’t do it for them.
So when you feel any kind of emotional discomfort, don’t just let it pass you by. Take a careful look at what’s going on. Figure out exactly what emotion or feeling is causing you to experience the discomfort. Once you’ve done that, express your emotions. But do it calmly, tactfully, and with a desire to reach an understanding with your emotions. That way you won’t be giving them free rein to do whatever they want.
Someone who knows how to say things early on, clearly and without being hurtful, is definitely much more prepared to take their relationships to the next level. It helps you avoid a million different problems and concerns. That’s why learning to communicate from the heart is definitely worth the effort.