We’ve all had doubts about love at some point. Relationships take sensitivity, attention, and sometimes quite a bit of patience. That’s why it’s not surprising that we all ask ourselves sometimes if it’s really worth it to stay in the relationship.
It’s very common to have doubts about love, but we’re usually not prepared for them. So when they come, we take them badly. “Do my doubts mean that they’re not the right person for me? Should we break up, even though everything has been fine up until now?”
Sometimes doubts are a sign of a deeper problem that you need to resolve. It could mean that the relationship is not going to work out. That said, so often it is really a sign that our expectations about what a relationship should be aren’t realistic.
In this case, feeling insecure about the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean that there is a more serious problem. In today’s article, you will learn to distinguish between these two kinds of doubt.
Why do we have doubts about love?
Doubts about a romantic relationship can have many different causes. Some of them don’t mean anything about the health of the relationship. Others, however, indicate that the relationship needs a change. In general, the most common doubts about love happen in the following situations:
- In response to change (external or internal).
- When one partner feels attracted to someone new.
Let’s look a little more closely at these two situations.
When the relationship changes
Romantic films have done quite a lot of damage. The movies almost always show only the beginning of a relationship, when feelings are strongest and everything seems perfect. Both people are perfectly compatible and they spend all day staring into each other’s eyes with dopey smiles. But cameras don’t capture what happens later.
When you start dating a new person, sometimes you’re so in love that you only see the good in them. You gloss over anything negative that might come up. You start a relationship that will make you very happy for a few months.
So what’s the problem? These feelings always end at some point. According to recent studies about love, this phase, technically known as “limerence,” lasts between three months and a year.
After that, feelings change and true romantic love appears. Although this is the normal evolution of things, most of us panic when the initial feelings disappear. Then, you have doubts about your relationship. You might doubt your love, your partner’s love, or both.
If something like this happened to you, don’t worry: this is the normal evolution of love. The important thing is to focus on good communication and trust. Also crucial is working to maintain the passion over the long-term. According to researchers, these are the three fundamental components of long-lasting love.
The same thing may happen if there is a big life change. Here, the two people must act as a team if they want to keep their relationship healthy. In general, all relationships have highs and lows like this. However, if the couple keeps it balanced and the lines of communication open, they will come out of it stronger.
What happens if there is someone else?
Here again, Hollywood bombards us with propaganda about love that is pretty damaging. Doubts arise when you don’t feel attracted to your partner or you find out that your significant other is attracted to a new person. But, does that mean that your relationship is doomed? Not necessarily.
The truth is that for most of us, being in love doesn’t mean we won’t be attracted to anyone else. On the contrary. But you made a commitment to your partner over any other momentary or casual attraction.
So, if you feel attracted to someone new and that makes you doubt your relationship, take a breath. It isn’t the end of the world, nor the end of your relationship. Still, only you can make the decision to end or stay in your current relationship. Just make sure you think about it rationally and don’t get carried away in the emotion of the moment.
Infidelity, of course, is a different subject altogether. In these cases, the problem isn’t attraction but rather broken trust. Both people in the relationship have to then decide if they can rebuild it, or if it’s better to break up and start over.