Coming to Terms With Yourself Is Always the First Step

· August 16, 2017

The first step is always to accept reality as it is. Life is permanently flowing and, in its course, it gives us countless experiences which constitute our knowledge. This knowledge involves ourselves, other people and everything around us. The experiences can be stimulating, fun and even transcendental, and this awards our knowledge with extra wisdom.

There are also painful experiences, because since day one life is also made up of deficiencies, frustrations and impossible dreams. Fears, distrust and pessimism are born within us when we are not capable of accepting this. In fact, we end up blaming ourselves. If we find ourselves in this situation, it’s essential to find a way to come to terms with ourselves.

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.”
-Mark Twain-

One of the most popular therapeutic resources is looking at ourselves more indulgently. It is not easy. But it is important to accept our limits and individual features too. We don’t have to be so hard on ourselves. Just as we don’t need to start a fight against our personality, thinking that everything about it is horrible.

The beginning of everything: looking at ourselves in the mirror

It’s likely we don’t like what we see in the mirror, or at least we dislike a part of it. It might be that we have a tendency to criticize ourselves harshly and in a negative form.

Many times we don’t even really look. Oftentimes, we simply compare ourselves with the mental image we maintain. This is why it’s important to learn how to look at ourselves carefully and with affection. At first, it’s a good idea is get to know and recognize that physical image. It is unique in the entire world and cannot be compared.


woman holding a mirror

Another good idea has to do with looking at ourselves in the mirror of our inner world. There are virtues and limitations, as there are in every other human being. We’ll manage to accept them when we finally understand that we’re all impregnated with flaws.

If we cannot accept ourselves as we are, we will not be able to accept others either. A distinctive feature of a person who accepts and appreciates himself is that he can value other people as well. On the contrary, he who sustains a restless inner battle also projects this conflict onto other people.

It isn’t necessary to travel to the Himalayas and enter a state of deep concentration and absolute silence. You don’t need to do this to be able to look inside yourself. First of all, to find ourselves we only need two things: to be lost and to truly want it. To accept and love ourselves, first it is necessary to know ourselves. And then, it is necessary for us to recognize ourselves from a point of view of kindness and understanding.

Learning to forgive ourselves

Sometimes we can’t accept ourselves, because we’re too busy filling ourselves with guilt. We don’t accept flaws or limitations as a reality for every human being. Instead of accepting this, we punish ourselves and transform mistakes into burdens that we carry around forever. Not managing to forgive our own mistakes and acting as if we were our own enemies.

Every human being holds within doubts about themselves. Because of this, it’s very important to learn how to identify the way we relate with our own thoughts. It’s very important to spot self-destructive lines of thought. We must keep in mind that overcoming the negative perception we have about ourselves will set us free.

man covering nose

It doesn’t matter what level of perfection we are trying to achieve. Human nature, though wonderful, is imperfect. And this might actually be its biggest appeal, because it will lead us to attempt to be better every day.

Likewise, recognizing our limits is an important step towards maturity and wisdom. And best of all: it is a direct experience which every person lives in a different way.

Being honest with our feelings

Our bodies express themselves when we act against what we are feeling. In fact, we can become a kind of disease for our own body.

Then, we are not only attacking ourselves, but detaching from the balance there is in the universe. Let’s remember that many of the diseases we suffer from have an emotional origin. And also, almost all of these diseases are related to self-acceptance and self-love.

As contradictory as it might seem, sometimes we don’t accept ourselves because of the incredible size of our vanity. Some people also refer to it as “narcissism”. We are not interested in being ourselves, but rather in being better than others. Because of this, we don’t accept our mistakes or failures. We accuse ourselves and commit emotional abuse towards our very being.

man and woman talking

We must keep in mind that mistakes don’t lead to failure, but they do give us experience. The true mistake would be to keep regretting the fact that we experienced failure in the first place. There are always ways to right our errors. All of this forms part of an evolutionary consciousness which must lead to new forms of appreciating limitations. The first step is always coming to terms with ourselves. We must give ourselves the opportunity to enjoy who we are.