Better to Be Alone Than in a False Love

· February 8, 2016

Nobody really knows whether love is right or wrong. Love feels in full and certain until suffering is suddenly an everyday companion that we should never get used to…

You can write a lot about love. We all know those famous manuals, we’ve read a ton of self-help books signed by eminent specialists; gurus who seem to have the best advice for any emotional problem.

So then, why do we keep making mistakes in so many of our relationships? The truth is that no one is immune to suffering. Not even the brain. With all its knowledge, experiences and readings it is still completely subject to the reins of the heart.

We often repeat that of “if you give yourself completely to that person, then you can only love again in pieces.” But how do we offer ourselves to someone we love if it isn’t with our whole being, with all our fullness, immensity and uniqueness?

A love that feels real is not offered in pieces, with “this it is mine and this is yours.” It is provided in full because love means complete… and perhaps is where real risk appears.

In this life nothing is certain, we live in a world that never stops flowing and changing. Where people, like feelings, are also fallible. Nobody can get things completely right in love, however, one thing we must always remember…

Do not be afraid of loneliness, do not see it as a bad choice. Sometimes it is best to be in union with ourselves, it is the catharsis of those bad loves that we had to learn in order to free ourselves, because sometimes it is better to be alone than in bad love…

Bad love, that illogical love that makes us prisoners

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There is wise love, full love that enriches us and makes our lives fuller and uplifted. They are those relationships where both partners respect their spaces, where individual growth is possible and as a result the couple may grow.

We may wonder…are there really such relationships? Of course. The search may take half of your lifetime, or you may have the right person close to you but have not yet realized it. However, we all have our moment in which we see with an open heart and mind.

Then what about those people who have experienced one failure after another throughout their lives? It is as if instead of going away, the stones of the road are stored in their backpack, making it is impossible to advance and grow.

What makes us sometimes live those harmful and illogical kinds of love? The truth is there are many, many explanations, and although they may be known, this does not prevent us from falling into it occasionally.

Because that’s the way it is, love sometimes blinds us and carries us with it. No matter what the people around us say. Our reality is ours and we get carried away, until there comes a time when, in fact, we open our eyes…

Now let’s see some reasons why we fall into such damaging relationships.

Need for recognition

Suddenly, someone comes along who recognizes our words, is friendly and interested in what we do and say. We become that other person’s world overnight, and it makes us feel good.

These relationships typically are between partners in which one or both individuals have low self-esteem. We all have some deficiency, and the simple fact of having someone fill those voids and smooth down our corners eases our fears and is something that comforts us. However, most of the time it is merely an illusion.

In the long term, this harmful love creates more spaces, more voids and more damage.

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Fear of loneliness

You might be surprised, but the statements in this article would not apply to a lot of people. Some people cannot imagine being alone. Loneliness, to them, is a vital failure and in turn, an embarrassment when facing society.

And for that they endure and swallow whatever. The relationships that are destructive and violate their rights as a person, rise in turn as a “comfort zone.”

Those old stereotypes…

This may also surprise a few, but today there are still those who believe ideas like: “in love, if the soul doesn’t suffer it’s not true love,” “love is giving in order to make the other person happy,” or” in this life the strongest person is the one who endures and suffers the most…”

We should banish many of these ideas of romantic love, with their traditional suggestions of submission and domination, where the person who loves the most is the most jealous… We must be careful with these concepts that are still very present in our society.

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They say that in life a love appears that is so strong that it will destroy us and make us love in pieces. Don’t be so dramatic, link your pieces again, one by one without losing any in order to love again with optimism, always starting with yourself

Image Courtesy Catrin Weltz Stein