The Best Way to Show Love is to Tolerate Imperfections

The Best Way to Show Love is to Tolerate Imperfections
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 14 December, 2021

Perfect affection is found, in some way, in a tolerance for imperfections. It means living outside of the perfect world of Disney stories. That world, of unconditional devotion, idealization, and blind responsibilities, doesn’t exist.

The affection we are talking about doesn’t just go half the way there. It isn’t dependent, aggressive, passive, or victimizing. It is definitely a big challenge. It is hard to foster love that doesn’t idealize. It is difficult to have realistic expectations.

It is important to highlight that when we talk about imperfections, we are not talking about mistreatment, aggression, or any type of destructive behavior.  Those are intolerable in any situation and we should always condemn that type of behavior.

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To fall in love is to love coincidences, and to love is to fall in love with differences.

To fall in love is to love coincidences, and to love is to fall in love with differences. We are the ones who confer the term “true” to stable love. Going beyond infatuation and guiding the relationship towards acceptance is worth it.

Faults that we can tolerate are little mistakes or differences of habit (for example: not taking the trash out on time, leaving the laundry on the line, giving priority to other things when it is something insignificant, leaving the cap off the toothpaste, etc.). 

Combination of disagreements can’t define a relationship. If they did, we would be talking about a nightmare. That’s why it is important to keep in mind what is healthy and what is not when we choose who we will share our life with.

If we don’t do the test right, there will probably be fatal errors for the stability of the relationship.

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Daily interactions are what defines a couple

In many aspects, conflict within a relationship simply follows different habits and/or priorities. In that sense, we have to make an effort to reconcile those differences.

Why is that? Because there’s no right or wrong in situations that don’t harm our inner-selves or expectations in the long term. Where we leave our socks isn’t a relevant nor transcendent issue.

In love, we have to speak to each other as equals. That means we have to be aware of the obligation to tolerate things we don’t agree with and that aren’t transcendental.

In some way, shared experiences shape us, we get wrapped up in emotion. This is true commitment. To maintain it, we have to constantly examine our needs from the very beginning. We have to avoid pinning the responsibility for our discomfort on the faults that we see in our partner.

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Feelings are different from passions because they last and don’t easily break. Loving someone for their beauty isn’t love, it is infatuation. Loving someone for their intelligence isn’t love, it is admiration. On the contrary, loving someone without knowing why, that is love.

We could say that time creates love between two people who work at accepting and loving their differences and quirks. This is more than falling in love, it is two people creating the magic of being accepted unconditionally.

Love balances our inner and outer impulsesIt is the axel that keeps the gears of our shared projects spinning smoothly. The most intense and invincible force is that which unites us in understanding and acceptance.

That includes valuing and recognizing your partner. It means respecting the other person, their personal space, their freedom, trust, and communication. With that comes common projects, generosity, and the happiness of being with the person you love.

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Why? Because we live in a world in which romantic relationships suffer from more and more conflict. We are looking for perfection without realizing that we are imperfect by nature.

If we keep this in mind, we will realize that only love wrapped in “perfect affection” can save us from unhappiness. And that is just as well.

The perfect couple doesn’t exist. In fact, being a “good couple” doesn’t mean you don’t have problems. It means you know how to solve them. To love means to be in love with our differences. It is seeing the good and the bad sides of our partner without rose-colored glasses.

The most beautiful place in the world is where we love and are loved. That’s where we find tenderness, songs, trust, sincerity, valor, you and I, tomorrow, forever, and “I’m happy if you are”. Where there is love, the heart can listen to its favorite music.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.