Anxiety About not Having a Significant Other, What Does it Consist Of?

Is it okay to be single in an environment surrounded by couples? Is it possible to overcome the anxiety that such circumstances may cause? Let's find out.
Anxiety About not Having a Significant Other, What Does it Consist Of?

Last update: 19 June, 2021

Often, the anxiety about not having a significant other is caused by an excessive focus on this goal and seeing unfavorable results. However, it can happen the other way around as well; those who already have a significant other may experience anxiety to keep the relationship. These people frequently find themselves feeling insecure in their relationships, which is why they feel it may end at any time. This anguish intensifies due to the motivation to fit into a certain social pattern.

As of now, there are several tools that make it easier for people to find a partner. However, that doesn’t mean they’ll get you the results you want. Think about it: it’s normal to feel frustrated when something isn’t up to your expectations, which can definitely happen in this case. On some occasions, the individual may experience anxiety and depression due to this.

Anxiety about not having a significant other, what does it consist of?

Society nowadays is fast-paced and incredibly demanding in different aspects of life, one of them being interpersonal relationships.

There’s always been the possibility of meeting new people through those you already know. That’s basically how social life would develop a few years back. However, right now there are social networks that favor contact with people in different locations. But, like we mentioned above, that doesn’t guarantee anything. The Internet can’t assure you an emotional and sentimental sphere, that’s for sure.

The myth of the other half and romantic love

For some people, not having a significant other implies being lonely. One of the most frequent problems when looking for a partner is the thorough search for “the other half”. This refers to a man-made construct in which individuals should find a person who’s perfect for them, with no flaws. It’s safe to say that the early stages of a relationship tend to be blinded by this search. There are so many ideals in it, in fact, that one can’t help but be blind in love.

In this first stage, the wishes or expectations the other person doesn’t fulfill tend to be minimized or go unnoticed. Like we just mentioned, it’s common for emotional intensity to produce cognitive blindness. As a result, most couples go through a critical moment when infatuation fades since they must now learn to manage disagreements.

Can a person learn to have anxiety about not having a significant other?

When an individual feels that not having a significant other is a problem, they can develop severe anxiety, and the context can make this emotion even more intense. For example, if this person feels like there’s no solution to this problem, they may even develop an anxiety disorder. Perhaps the person’s friends are all in relationships, which makes them feel abandoned, lonely, and left out. The context can even send ambivalent messages, making them feel confused and desperate to stabilize or maintain relationships as a way to balance this emotion.

All this encourages the person to make an even bigger effort to find a partner. Without it, they feel incomplete. If someone already has a significant other and fears losing them, they’ll usually try to control the other so that their fear doesn’t come true. “If you don’t associate yourself with other people, you’ll be more attached to me. Therefore, it’ll be more difficult for you to leave me”.

The anxiety about not having a significant other

The anxiety about not having a significant other can be so intense that, at a certain point, it can make a person endure extreme situations that involve physical or psychological violence. Many times, those with a high amount of resources on an emotional level end up developing a strong emotional dependence due to the reinforcement they get from having a partner for the mere fact of having one.

Now, it’s quite normal for some people to end a relationship and get into another one right away. This emotional roller coaster often makes the grieving process more difficult and pushes the individual to do things they definitely wouldn’t have in a different context. In addition, these types of characteristics hinder the learning process that the experience of the other relationship provides.

What you can do in this situation

In some cases, the best thing to do is visit a professional. In others, certain solitary activities may awaken in the individual the need to be by themselves, which would favor their self-discovery journey.

This type of anxiety isn’t easy to manage. Do you think you’ve felt this way before in your life? How many times have you had to stop being yourself to please someone, just to be in a relationship with them? Do you think it’s worth it?

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