Am I Emotionally Ready for a New Relationship?

Being single has many advantages. However, recovering from heartbreak is a trying time. Am I emotionally ready for a new relationship? Here are four signs that you’re finally ready for a relationship and six signs that you aren’t.
Am I Emotionally Ready for a New Relationship?

Last update: 20 July, 2021

Do you think you’re emotionally ready for a new relationship? Being single is positive in many ways. Firstly, it gives you the space and opportunity to work on yourself in the way that you need. Secondly, it helps you to see what you don’t want out of a partner and what you do. Recovering from heartbreak is a trying time, especially if you want to get back in the saddle and date again.

You might be keen to find a new relationship to throw yourself into. Nevertheless, there are some things you should consider before venturing out to find new love. Make sure that your last relationship is over and done with. There’s no point in starting a new relationship if you secretly hope your ex-partner takes you back. Make sure you aren’t going to just use this new relationship as a way to get back at your ex.

Enough people were already hurt as a result of your previous relationship. There’s no need to bring anyone else into the mix. Besides, you need to ask yourself if this is what you really want. You’re heartbroken, after all. A little time on your own might be just what you need to feel better.

Being single is great. It’s also tough to know when you’re ready to move on and be in a new relationship. We rounded up four signs that you’re likely emotionally ready to be in a relationship. You’ll be 100 percent sure you’re ready to take on the responsibilities and rewards of a new partner. Lastly, we’ll talk about six signs that you aren’t ready for a relationship.

“Between men and women there’s no friendship possible. On the other hand, there’s passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.” 

-Oscar Wilde-

How can I tell if I’m ready for a new relationship?

The first and most important relationship you’ll ever have throughout life is your relationship with yourself. How you feel about and care for your mind, body, and spirit sets the stage for relationships outside yourself. For instance, with your partner, family members, friends, and co-workers. From psychological, spiritual, and practical perspectives, it’s pretty clear that not loving yourself is negative.

It’s hard not only to give love but to also receive it. Relationship readiness is a key factor in whether or not a relationship is likely to last. In fact, a 2019 study discovered something eye-opening. When people feel ready for a relationship, that relationship is 25 percent less likely to end. As researcher Chris Agnew explains, “Feeling ready leads to better relational outcomes and well-being”.

When people feel more ready, this tends to amplify the effect of psychological commitment on relationship maintenance and stability. Of course, deciding if you’re finally emotionally ready to start dating is never easy. No one wants to get their heart broken again, and love is risky. Are you feeling more self-confident? Even though it seems as if you thoroughly moved on, it’s scary to jump into a new relationship.

You think about falling in love again

Do you ever remember those feelings of love that you had with your ex? The good times, before everything went downhill? When you’re knee-deep in a breakup, it’s pretty hard to remember the good. However, by getting out of it and seeing things for how they really were, you’ll think about the future. The future can be an exciting prospect that’s thrilling to experience again. All of those feelings are good.

Do you find yourself thinking about what it’d be like to feel those feelings again? Believe it or not, that’s a great thing. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a month or over a year since you ended the relationship. This could be a sign that you’re ready to move on and date again.

You’re over your last relationship

Look for signs that anger and resentment are gone, and that they forgave not only your ex but yourself. If you’re angry at yourself, it’s a clear sign that you aren’t ready to move forward. If you can’t accept where you are and who you are right now, then it’s time to make a change. You’ll know that you’re ready to go out there and date again when you completely give up your story. Furthermore, when you can think about your ex with neutrality, compassion, and understanding. 

One day, you’ll find yourself thinking, “I’m ready to move on with my life”. If this is the case, you’re not waiting for someone else to save you. You’re ready to manifest healthy, lasting love when you abandon wishing another person to “save” or “heal” you. Self-acceptance and self-love are markers that you’re fully ready for intimacy. This state of being lets you open yourself to both giving and receiving love in a pure, authentic way. No notions of healing wounds from the past will burden you.

You complete yourself and know there’s nothing wrong with you

You know you’re ready for a relationship when you complete yourself. In other words, you don’t need a relationship to feel happy and worthy. The idea is to want a relationship to share your love rather than to get love. Loving yourself and sharing your love should be more important to you than having control over getting love. When you want a relationship to deepen your growth rather than to fill your emptiness, you’re ready.

When you realize there’s nothing “wrong” with you, you’re ready. The only person who can complete you is YOU. You just need to realize that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. You’re not broken, you don’t need someone to fix you. A vital truth of love is accepting yourself. Most importantly, in shining the light of love on all those dark places inside of you.

You don’t think about them and you like someone else

Remember when you’d start getting emotional about something silly? It was because you couldn’t stop thinking about your ex-partner for even a moment. This happens to the best of you. They’re so ingrained into your lives that it’s difficult to separate from them. Try to get to the point where you’re not thinking about them every single day. Maybe you just go a day or two, perhaps you stop thinking for a week or a month. 

Though it can seem impossible to go a day without thinking of them, it does happen after a while. Soon enough, you won’t think about them so much. You’ll find you do go a day without thinking of them. It’ll soon get to the point when you realize you didn’t think about them for a long time. Therefore, try to start dating anyone who attracts you. 

One of the best predictors for moving on is if you feel attracted to someone else. This usually kickstarts things and gets you back into the saddle. When you begin feeling those wants and desires again, don’t feel guilty. This is a really good sign. It shows that your body and your mind are moving on, while creating space for a new relationship. This is wonderful.

Signs that you aren’t ready for a new relationship

Are you toying with the idea of dating again? Perhaps you just left a horrible relationship. Perhaps your beloved partner dumped you because they fell in love with your best friend. It happens. You’re likely reeling from a lot that happened in the past. Hence, if you want to get into a new relationship, take your time and consider the pitfalls of commitment. If any of these signs seem familiar, odds are that you aren’t ready for a relationship:

  • You keep picking the wrong partners. If you have a history of picking the losers of the bunch, it’s time for a break. Surely you aren’t ready for a new relationship as long as you keep telling yourself you date bad people.
  • You think you need a relationship to make you happy. You aren’t ready for another relationship if you think that being in a relationship is what makes you happy. Thus, you need to learn to be happy on your own.
  • You need someone to make life worth living. If you think you’ll die without a partner, you are wrong, fortunately. You’re definitely aren’t ready for another relationship, unfortunately.
  • You’ll do just about anything for a partner. If you feel desperate and needy, you’ll look desperate and needy. Don’t rush into any relationship just for the sake of having a relationship.
  • You think a new relationship will fix all your problems. If you feel broken and think that a new relationship is going to be the glue that puts you back together, think again.
  • You want to fix them. One thing women often do is look for a project when they feel bad about themselves. Unluckily, sometimes, that project is a new relationship with a man as big a mess as they are.

Last thoughts

In short, you’re the only one who knows whether or not you’re ready for a new relationship after a breakup. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Questioning if you’re ready for one is another great sign.

You can gradually dip your toes in the dating pond without having to jump right into a relationship. The truth is that there will come a time when you just know. You’re going to sit and say, “It’s time”. When that time comes, embrace it. It’s going to be a different type of experience dating after a bad breakup.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it isn’t my nature.

-Jane Austen-

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  • Boss, P. (2001) La pérdida ambigua. Cómo aprender a vivir con un duelo no terminado. Gedisa: Barcelona.