5 Types of Emotional Vampires

· September 29, 2015

Just like the rest of the bonds we form throughout our lives, emotional bonds develop based on how they are nourished. Naturally, if you are fed sadness, envy, complaints, or  anger, unhealthy bonds will form.

They are there outside, waiting for us, waiting to leave us empty. We get along with them, we trust them more than we trust any other person. We hope for more, but we get less. They are those who we call emotional vampires. They are not seeking to suck our blood; instead they want our emotional energy.

There are relationships that can be excessively negative for us, creating great amounts of drama and threatening our emotional well-being. There are people who, intentionally or not, can make us feel depressed, overwhelmed, angry, and even crushed.

The truth is, without effective strategies of self-defense to keep those feelings under control, the victims of these emotionally toxic people develop unhealthy behaviors and symptoms (excessive eating, self-isolation, mood swings, constant exhaustion, etc.).

This type of person has been given many names: toxic, emotional vampires, emotional predators, parasites, etc. In truth, although these “classifications” are not based in science, there are certain types of people who exhaust us, and who cause us to feel resigned and despairing.

Below, we have defined for you 5 types of people who poison our emotions, sucking away our energy like a vampire sucks blood and stalking us as if we were their prey.

1- The Passive Aggressor

This type of person expresses anger with a calm smile on their face. They are experts in embellishing and sweetening their hostilityWe have all used this technique at some point. However, these people abuse it.

The best self-defense is to address and manage their behavior and fully maintain our convictions by creating and maintaining limits. We deserve to be treated with love and sincerity, and we should not tolerate being talked to “as if we were being forgiven”.

Abstract red tiger with flowers holding human form


2- The Narcissist 

Everything revolves around them, since they believe that they are the center of the world. They are egocentric, vain, and are hungry for admiration and attention. They present themselves as intelligent and charming people, until they see their status as a guru, role model, or intellectual authority threatened.

Given that the motto of this personality type is “me first,” getting angry and/or expressing ourselves assertively will not have any effect on them. They often lack empathy, so unconditional love is difficult or impossible for them.

In these cases, the best self-defense is to enjoy their positive qualities, while remaining realistic about our expectations for them. In the meantime, we must not let them overwhelm us or make us feel inferior, and understand that their narcissism is part of their nature. 

You can get them to cooperate if you appeal to their own interests, and show them that your friendship will benefit them.

Drawing of girl with hairdo that forms a wolf's face

3- The Angry Attacker

These emotional vampires make accusing, attacking, humiliating, criticizing, and creating conflict their purpose. They are addicted to rage, to holding things captive, and to punishing others. They make you feel frozen and beaten, breaking you into a thousand little pieces with their fury.

The best self defense, in this case, is to protect your own self-esteem so that their rage does not destroy it. Take your time, pause, and breathe. Try to stay neutral and balanced when confronted with their attacks and do not respond until you are no longer the center of it. 

In this way, you will be able to pacify them, letting them go on and on so that later you are able to explain your point of view, and make them recognize and address your position. In this way, you can manage their anger, and even begin to empathize with them, questioning the pain that makes them so furious in the first place.

Drawing girl with flamingo on leash chess board, skulls, worms in the background

4- The Victim

These people are everywhere. These “victims” are the kings and queens of drama. They know how to make you feel bad about something, pressing your buttons, bringing out your insecurity and throwing salt in your wounds.

The best self-defense is to leave behind the idea that we have to be perfect. Everyone makes mistakes, but if you feel that you are truly at fault, then remove yourself from the situation, and cry if you need to.

You can also respond to these types of attacks with a positive affirmation, such as: “I understand your point of view, but when you say                    , you hurt my feelings. I would appreciate it if you would stop doing this.” 

Drawing headless ballerina with oversized mask

5- The Gossiper

They are the meddlers, those who take pleasure in talking about others behind their backs, dragging down their reputation and spreading malicious rumorsWhen they do this, everyone around them ends up feeling humiliated and scorned.

The best self defense is to simply not worry about what that person is saying and to not take their gossiping personally. The right attitude is to rise above them and ignore them. Furthermore, if you are in a group and that group starts talking about someone, the best thing you can do is change the subject and never partake in the gossip.

Nevertheless, if someone is talking about you behind your back, you should make it clear that you know what they are doing and that you are not okay with it. You can talk to them and tell them something like, “Your words are hurtful. How would you feel if someone said that about you? Please, stop talking about me.”

Drawing of girl with keyhole in her hand and butterfly

Identify the people that are causing you emotional pain and create your own techniques of self-defense so that your psychological well-being does not fall victim to them. Distancing yourself from complicated people improves your health.