5 Things Healthy Couples Have in Common
Friedrich Nietzsche once said “There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness“. Could reason be what healthy couples have in common?
People often say that when we find the right person, we are “crazy in love”. But it seems evident that we need sanity in every relationship. You might call it a healthy relationship, two people who understand each other, or a thousand other things. But first we’d say that it’s possible to find balance — at least that’s what the experts believe.
We are basing our list on the theories of Catalan psychologist Encarni Muñoz. This relationship expert believes that to have a healthy relationship, the first thing we have to do is listen to our own criteria. What do we need in a relationship? Can the person you are with provide you with that? Let’s see…
Take responsibility for your emotions
One important factor in making healthy couples healthy is that each person takes responsibility for their own happiness. Love for the other comes out of solid self-love and self-esteem. These both reinforce the idea that we have value to add to the relationship.
Remember, if you undervalue yourself, you might blame or excessively depend on your partner. That’s why the relationship has to be between equals. Both partners should find a balance and be able to equally share responsibilities.
Open lines of communication to keep a balance
According to Muñoz, the second point has to do with the importance of communication. In order to establish and maintain the balance we mentioned above, we need good communication. Empathy and active listening are keys to effective communication.
It’s not always easy, but it’s important to always try to be understanding towards the other person. We have to understand their points of view and why they do what they do. We need to be flexible and tolerant, even if we don’t agree. You are on the same team and you have one common objective.
Practice being assertive and genuine
Healthy couples are never based on lies. This is a very basic idea. But it is essential that both people be honest about potential deal-breakers in the relationship. If there is something that bothers you, don’t hold it in until you reach your breaking point.
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them”.
Despite how well you may know your significant other, you don’t know what they’re thinking 100% of the time. If you think you know everything about them, it’s easy to get into arguments and negative discussions.
So, even if you get along most of the time and know each other well, try to be clear when you express yourselves. There’s nothing wrong with being vulnerable in front of our partners. After all, they love us.
Trust is essential in healthy couples
This is also very fundamental. Without trust on both sides, it is extremely difficult to find common ground. Creating a trusting and supportive environment in which you both feel loved is important.
If you create this type of environment, you can trust that whenever you need the other person, they will be there. They will support you, help you move forward and walk with with you. You will also avoid the torment that jealousy brings. Just think about it: if your partner loves you and you love them, what do you have to fear?
“Love does not consist of gazing at each other, but of looking outward together in the same direction.”
-Antoine de Saint Exupery-
Live in the present and be realistic
Let’s say one person in the relationship focuses on what might happen in the future, or on changing the other person. Or they spend a lot of time thinking that tomorrow they will be a better husband or wife. If this is the case, the relationship doesn’t have much of a future. A healthy relationship happens in the present, here and now.
Just like how you can’t live in the future, you can’t live in the past either. Nearly every relationship has its problems. Nevertheless, once you move past them and forgive mistakes, let them go. Don’t drag them out again each time you argue. Don’t use them as a projectile weapon or a reproach.
As Walter Winchell said “Never above you, never below you. Always beside you.” This idea and the ones we’ve discussed are things that healthy couples have in common. Or at least that’s what psychologist Encarni Muñoz believes.