Get Better Relationships by Learning How to Express Yourself

February 18, 2020

Communication between human beings is always imperfect. Expressing yourself in a completely accurate way is impossible, especially when it comes to talking about your feelings. It’s much easier to communicate ideas than feelings. That’s because we are more accustomed to talking about our ideas.

We feel less vulnerable with ideas. This is also one of the reasons it’s easier to keep a professional relationship going than a personal one.

One thing we can do is improve our communication skills. It’s worth doing because it has a huge impact on interpersonal relationships. After all, verbal communication is the basis of relationship. Whether our communication works well or gets stuck, much of it depends on the way we use words.

“I distrust the incommunicable; it is the source of all violence.”

-Jean Paul Sartre

The truth is, you can save yourself a lot of trouble if you learn to express yourself better. How many relationship issues are come from what is said, what is not said, or how something was said? It’s important to learn how to express affection and disagreement, so we can learn. Here are some strategies that will help you express yourself.

Express yourself, don’t keep quiet

Various studies support the idea that negative feelings left unspoken can make us sick. Keeping silent to avoid conflicts or because we’re afraid what others might think is never a good choice. Silence acquires its own power and affects our actions, often without reason.

talking is a way to express yourself

It’s not just important to learn how to express yourself when you feel a negative emotion. There are also many people who have trouble expressing positive emotions. They think they’ll come off as corny or sappy. Of course we can go overboard, but if we never show affection or approval, that’s not good either.

Don’t lie about how you feel

Although some of you may be true experts at this art, people generally know when you are being insincere about how you feel. Maybe it’s unconscious, but when you communicate in a closed or deceitful way, you generate a certain discomfort around you. 

We lie about our feelings to please others. Not to hurt them or manipulate them. Nevertheless, instead of making the relationship stronger, it weakens it. Lying, even with good intentions, ends up ruining or preventing a relationship from growing in depth and trust.

Break down emotions

A lot of time we don’t know how to express what we feel because we don’t know exactly how we feel. Our emotions don’t usually appear in a “pure state.” They’re mixed in with others. They’re complicated. Don’t try to over-generalize what you feel. Instead, it’s worth the effort to try to identify it more accurately.

An effective method for identifying our emotions is to break down everything that we are experiencing. Try to separate all the parts that compose your emotional state. As you unravel each part, everything will likely become clearer and you’ll be able to express yourself more successfully

two friends chatting at sunset on the beach

Turn anger into words

Uncontrolled anger is one of the worst things when it comes to productive communication. When we’re agitated, we think and say things that could hurt the relationship. The solution is not to deny the anger or suppress it. Instead, transform the emotion into words so it can be processed.

We shouldn’t talk when we think the anger still has enough energy to take control of what we say. At this point, it’s very important to keep quiet and wait for the tension to go down. Remember, when something is said with anger, the words themselves are often not remembered. The other person disconnects when there is verbal violence.

So tone and attitude are often more important than the message, which is useless if it doesn’t reach its audience.

Once you’ve calmed down, express the reason for the answer. Talk it over. Try to express yourself precisely and clearly. Don’t hold anything back, but always maintain self-control. This way, we will listen more and the receiver of the message will treat the subject with the seriousness it deserves.

Working on our communication is worth it. Anyone who develops this skill will have better relationships, both personal and professional. It’s not so hard. It just takes constant effort and conscious, deliberate practice.