5 Myths About Forgivenes

September 2, 2016

Forgiveness is a powerful weapon that allows you to live in peace with others and, above all, at peace with yourself. However, many people don’t understand the liberating power of forgiveness.

However, forgiveness can be a double-edged sword. In fact, it is a common form of manipulation used by others to get people to do what they want. It is therefore important to understand forgiveness well and to learn to set limits in order to protect yourself against the abuse of others.

Moreover, our culture imposes certain forms of behavior that we follow mechanically, often without realizing what we are doing or why we are doing it. We simply react as we are expected to, without thinking about other options, feeding and reinforcing those stereotypes that we dislike so much.

Next, we will see the most widespread myths and misconceptions about forgiveness. Thinking about these myths will help you forgive others more sincerely and be more aware of what you do and why.

boy holding heart

1. We must overcome the feeling of being hurt before we can forgive

Many people believe they must overcome the pain and anger in order to forgive, as if they needed to feel better first to be able to forgive. But the reality is just the opposite.

Forgiveness is a choice you must make. If you wait until you get over the anger, the anger will make it increasingly more difficult to do. You should decide in the moment, when you are “hot headed.” Thus, the state of tension and anger will pass more quickly, because you will not let that anger take over and control you.

2.You have to choose forgiveness, even when you don’t feel it

This is something that we inculcate into our children a lot, and many people continue to reproduce it in their adult life. But forgiveness is not a choice that can be imposed. It must be a free and conscious choice, even if it takes a little longer to accomplish.

If you forgive only because you are supposed to, because you believe it is what you must do, but you do not forgive from the bottom of your heart, anger and rage will become a negativity that will explode on some other side. Take all the time you need, but choose freely whether to forgive or not.

3. You shouldn’t forgive the same thing over and over again

People are human beings, and that means we make mistakes, and sometimes we make them over and over again. In fact, we are the only living beings who stumble over the same rock twice (or so they say).

Learning from your mistakes is not an easy thing to do, especially when you are not fully aware of the mistake. Because after all, not everyone understands things equally, and in our behavior many factors come into play.

There are things that you can forgive once, which you may find very difficult to forgive a second time. But not all offenses are equally serious, and their impact depends on the person who commits them. That’s why you have to consider each problem individually and not generalize.

girl on tree branch with heart

4. You cannot forgive someone who has not repented

If the other person doesn’t repent for what they have done, all of the weight of the anger and rage will fall upon you. In fact, it hurts even more. However, if you forgive each person who has hurt you, you will free yourself of this heavy burden.

Many people use this to hurt others, because they understand the power they wield by not repenting for their actions. However, if you forgive them, you will disarm them. You will take away a valuable tool for their negative purposes.

5. By forgiving, you are validating the other person’s action

Many people think that forgiving is a way of telling the other person that what they are doing is okay or acceptable. In fact, many people use this way of thinking to validate inappropriate or unlawful behaviors.

However, by forgiving someone you send them the message that they no longer have enough power over you to affect you. You are saying that you are above all of it. In this sense, forgiveness allows you to rise above the psychological manipulation that the other person may be trying to exert.