3 Myths About Infidelity

June 1, 2018

The reality is that infidelity can cause deep, deep wounds. A couple might not ever be the same again after  it. But that doesn’t mean it’s a catastrophe that can’t be solved. It doesn’t have to lead to any kind of personal trauma or tragedies.

A lot of the myths about infidelity come up and stick around because the people who spread them are working with a very idealistic concept of love and relationships. Always remember that nothing is perfect when it comes to human beings, especially not feelings. We’re all imperfect, we all make mistakes, and we’re not always consistent. The important thing is to know how to spot those mistakes and get back on the right path in time.

torn photo symbolizing one of the myths about infidelity, that there's no love anymore

1. The love is gone, one of the myths about infidelity

One of the myths about infidelity says that it only happens when the love is gone in the relationshipBut that’s just not true. Just like with everything else, you can’t make any prejudgments if you want to understand what happened. You have to look at the situation carefully and interpret it calmly, especially if you want to save the relationship.

The circumstances surrounding how the infidelity came to happen will say a lot about it. It could have just been something accidental and unimportant. It could also have been a warning sign there’s an unresolved issue in the relationship, or that it’s time for a change. But it doesn’t have to mean that a person has no interest in their partner anymore.

The toxic thing about these myths about infidelity is that they can lead to a lot of unnecessary sufferingOf course, no one enjoys their partner being unfaithful to them. But before you let that torment you, you have to make sure you understand what really happened.

2. The sex life isn’t good

When there’s infidelity, it’s also common for the victim of it to lose a lot of self-confidence. There’s something beyond just the anger and powerlessness it will make them feel. It’s something they can’t change. What it does is plant a seed of doubt about their own worth, and performance with their partner. “Could it be that I’m not good enough?”

One of the myths about infidelity says that people only look for new partners when they don’t have a good sex life with their current partner. That might be true, but it’s usually not the case. Most infidelity is circumstantial. In other words, it doesn’t necessarily have any profound messages about the relationship.

They might be looking for something new. Or maybe it just flattered them that someone took an interest in them and they want to play around with that feeling by reinforcing it. It’s also possible that they lost themselves in the desire to try seducing someone. At the same time, they still feel completely confident about their love and desire for their partner. It’s just an issue of immaturity and selfishness that they don’t push down in time.

3. You should never forgive them

Another myth about infidelity says that you should never forgive them for it under any circumstances. Doing that would mean losing your sense of respect as their partner. It would just lead them to keep on repeating their behavior over and over again. But none of that is true either, or at least not for most couples.

Of course you shouldn’t see infidelity. But there’s also no need to bring it to the level of a Shakespearean tragedy with no ways out. What you should do is look at the circumstances of it, and take an even harder look at the quality of your relationship. 

One thing is for certain – infidelity will only be as big as you make it. The consequences also have to do with a lot of different variables, including your own response it. It could be something that needs attention, reflection, and dialogue, leaving you with deep wounds that take a long time to heal. The important thing to remember is that you play a big part in how long it takes, and what the scar looks like.

The only things that really matter for a couple are their feelings for each other, and the strength of their bond. Even the happiest couples can go through times of crisis. As human beings, we’re all ambiguous and contradictory. Understanding that and accepting it is the only way to realize that life isn’t in black and white, and that we need to get rid of all these awful myths about infidelity.