Our Wounded Inner Child

· January 27, 2017

Surely at one time you’ve heard of the concept of an inner child in all of us that we keep near our heart. We also know that we must give it life to be happy. However, we do not usually spend much time with this child, even if he has been injured. A sore that sometimes still affects us …

What happened to your inner child for him to get hurt? What point in your life caused that “break” to mark us forever? And above all: is it possible to treat wounds and have the cure be permanent?

 The “switch” event of our inner child

What types of events in childhood can affect us as “full-fledged” men and women? There are many theories that try to explain this situation, one of them is what has been called a “switch event”.

The “switch event” is an event that has marked us like fire and has forged our personality. So basically it happens like this: from birth we live in what is known as “comfortable continuity” which allows survival and provides us with everything we need (food, affection, shelter, etc.). However, one day there is something that changes us forever, that all of a sudden removes us from this “comfortable continuity”.

In most cases this event is associated with a very painful emotion such as death, fear, separation, misfortune, etc. But it is also something that can, from the outside, seem trivial such as a word, an attitude or a decision.

sad boy sitting on the ground with his arms crossed


What wounds does your inner child carry?

A distant father, perfectionist mother, an authoritarian grandfather, a broken family. The inner child may be hurt by that which soured his childhood. He carries the traumas of the past and returns them as patterns or habits as an adult.

In order to have good emotional health it is necessary to help our inner child heal his wounds. Yes, with each one and with total dedication and responsibility. It is not a matter of putting a band-aid where surgery is needed or downplaying a recurring symptom.

girl with shadow

Can I heal my inner child?

To start with the “treatment” it is important to be aware that we are facing an injured child and that we must become friends with him so he can trust us. A film that comes to mind to emulate the situation is “Jack”, starring Robin Williams, who plays a child that ages four times faster than usual.

At one point in the film, Jack is hiding in one of the playground of his school. His teacher (played by Jennifer Lopez) tries to get him out. To achieve this, she brings him candy, but only the red ones, which are the ones he likes. In that way, the “child” begins to trust her to the point of leaving his hiding place and gives her the opportunity to discuss what saddens him.

girl with a jumping shadow

We must do something like that with our wounded inner child. To trust in the adults we have become, we must offer him what he needs. Never by shouting, angry or with threats… because in that way we won’t do anything but expand the wound.

If, for example, the wound is because your parents were not loving towards you, treat the child with all the love in the world. If it’s for being ignored, show him that he is the most important and give him time and priority. Slowly the little one will come out of hiding and trust you…don’t spoil this opportunity!

Talk to him with patience, tell him you’re very sorry for his suffering and, above all, that you want to help. Ask him how he is, how you can make him happy and if you are willing to make the effort so that both of you achieve the goal.

It is about integrating him back into your life. You have the opportunity to enjoy everything you’ve built despite all the difficulties you went through. It is about giving him an opinion and a vote in your decisions and letting him have fun. And you with him.

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