I Won’t Change for Anyone, I Like Who I Am

· September 30, 2016

I’m not going to change for you. Don’t ask me to be more docile, to be skinnier, to renounce my passions so I can fit into your empty spaces. I like the way I am, so you’ll have to accept me with all of my nuances, because that’s where my happiness and integrity lie.

Experts tell us that we tend to change our personalities in a given moment for three reasons: to adapt to a specific environment, to achieve a goal, or to avoid something that we dislike or fear. And whether we believe it or not, it’s something that can happen in many romantic relationships.

Don’t try to run for someone who wouldn’t even take a step for you. Don’t give up your dreams to live the dreams of other people. Otherwise, you won’t recognize yourself in the mirror.

Even today, there are people who believe that being in a relationship means giving up everything for the other person. Without concessions. In these situations, many people scrape away at their character little by little. They mold themselves to their partners.

When you give up yourself, you lose. When you change what defines you to make your partner happy, you stop being yourself. Therefore, the relationship is no more than a farce, destined for failure. One dominates and the other wears a mask that hides their real identity. Don’t let this happen.

I will not change for you, I’ll grow with you

woman with bike

The personality is a psychological construct that is built throughout our lives through our experiences and the evaluations that we make of them. We are a compendium of virtues, limitations, quirks, values, dreams, and expectations that we can’t just change overnight. It’s neither healthy nor logical.


Some people insist on changing the world to align it with their expectations, without first understanding that life already brings along too many changes, which makes it necessary to count on a strong  but adaptable personality, capable of facing the unknown.

One important point should be noted: change isn’t bad if it’s something that we need. We need certain variations in our thought processes, aims, and attitudes so that we can adapt to different situations, and also to achieve balance and personal growth.

However, healthy changes are voluntary, and if they come from ourselves, there won’t be any problems. We change our thoughts so that we can change our reality. We should change for ourselves and not anyone else.

It’s not always that one partner who obligates their partner to change. Sometimes, we seek to change to adapt to our partner, to be accepted and loved.

People who pretend to be something they’re not don’t do it so that others will love them. What’s really happening is that they don’t love themselves. And although for a time they come to think that they’re happy and that everything is going well, little by little their self-esteem becomes fragmented and starts to erode like an old sand castle on the edge of the beach.

roses over eyes

I don’t want to change for you to love me, I love myself for who I am

There’s no need to say things that you don’t think, to agree just to please, to pretend to be what other people want you to be. Soon you won’t really know who you are, what you want, or what keeps you going.

The people who love you – whether it’s your partner, your friends, or your family – should love you not just for who you are, but also “in spite of” who you are. In other words, they should love you with all your lights and shadows, with all your greatness and scars.

You might want a partner, and you might want good friends, but before anything else, you must prepare yourself to be a partner, to be a good friend. If you know who you are and you’re happy with yourself, you’ll be able to offer the best of yourself to others.

I won’t change for you, I’ll walk by your side

We go on changing every day, but we never lose our essence, our principles, our values. That’s why we shouldn’t falter in what defines us, because if we do, we’ll stop being ourselves.

If somebody demands that you change, it’s because they don’t like who you really are. And if they don’t like you, the problem is not you, it’s the other person who is unable to accept what’s in front of them.

We come together so that we can grow, not limit ourselves. So that we can walk together, not trip each other. So that we can build new horizons, not make them fade away. If people insist on changing us, what we really get is insults, bumps, and bruises. Don’t allow it.

I love my whole self, with all of my sharp edges and all my empty spaces. I accept myself with open eyes and a humble heart, because I am everything you see, and what you see is who I am. I promise not to change, so promise not to try and change me.

man with dog

Images courtesy of Pascal Campion and Junne Kim