You Want to Break Up, But You Don't Know How

Let's say you're in a relationship you don't see any future in, but you stay in it out of fear of the alternative. Well, the time has come to write its final chapter and break free.
You Want to Break Up, But You Don't Know How

Last update: 17 August, 2021

You want to break up, but you don’t know how to. This is an extremely common dilemma. As a matter of fact, making the decision to break up with someone inevitably involves a mix of emotions and feelings. These can make you feel confused. In fact, they can make it even harder for you to follow your plans through.

However, why is it that you feel so conflicted about taking the next step and breaking up with your partner? Furthermore, what can you do or where can you get the strength to end the relationship?

A woman unhappy thinks to break up with her partner.

You want to break up, so why can’t you do it?

Fear of being alone

The fear of being alone is a frequent feeling in human beings. However, that fear can end up becoming the only real link between two people. That’s because nobody wants to feel lonely, or not have someone with whom to share their days.

That’s why you might rather stay in a relationship, even when nothing positive comes out of it. You just don’t want to feel lonely.

Fantasizing about the relationship

You wish that everything could go back to how it used to be. You keep hoping it’ll change. That’s another reason why you might stay in a relationship you’re not sure you even want to be in.

In fact, you might find yourself fantasizing about breaking up. That’s because you just don’t feel right. You probably keep hoping that everything will go back to how it was, but you know, deep down, it won’t happen.

A man suffering from domestic abuse.

Avoiding suffering or change

A breakup, no matter how it happens, comes with unpleasant emotions. For example, sadness, anxiety, guilt, fear, etc. As a matter of fact, many times you might just continue in the relationship simply because you don’t want to face this kind of pain.

However, ending a relationship always involves change. This is more evident when it involves people who live together, work together, or share other elements, like joint friends.

Breaking up with someone means changing these patterns. This might mean you put off the breakup because you want to avoid all the changes.

“Successful people don’t fear failure, but understand that it’s necessary to learn and grow from.”

-Robert Kiyosaki-

Trying to do no harm

Avoiding harming your partner is another consequence you might be trying to avoid. Nevertheless, this isn’t always possible. That’s because, in many cases, the process and the emotions that accompany the break-up are actually necessary.

In fact, feeling sad can make you motivate yourself to get over whatever it is and start a new chapter in your life. Indeed, change means adapting and accepting what happened.

“This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something.”

-Elizabeth Gilbert-

Emotional dependency

According to the writer, Sue Patton Thoele, emotional dependency means needing another person’s affection. Furthermore, people with emotional dependency often sacrifice what they really want or need for fear of being rejected or abandoned. In fact, being emotionally dependent means you’re at someone else’s mercy.

Therefore, when you’re emotionally dependent, you put aside yourself to please your partner. In effect, you make them the center of your life, giving them the key to your own wellness.

“Emotional and psychological dependency makes the heart vulnerable and prone to breaking when a relationship ends.”

-Khang Kijarro Nguyen-

Emotional dependency often occurs in toxic relationships. In these partnerships, there there are insecure attachments that bring negative emotions. These emotions then give way to an idyllic reconciliation, where everything becomes “wonderful” again.

However, the dependent individual starts to expect that reconciliation and waits for it to happen. Hence, it becomes a vicious cycle they’re incapable of breaking.

A woman questioning her psychological wellness.

How can you end your relationship?

Learn to let go

Trying to work on a relationship that has no future won’t benefit you at all. It’s time to accept the situation and learn to let go. Finish the chapter, turn the page and start to work on yourself.

Go for it

Ask yourself why you’re staying in this relationship if there’s no future in it. Perhaps it’s time to finish it. You need to remember that, in the long run, this breakup could mean a new opportunity for you and improve your well-being. 

“Breakups can be sad, but sometimes tears are the price we pay for a freedom we need.”

-Steve Maraboli-


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.