Toxic Love in Relationships
We often think that the worst thing that can happen to a couple is for things not to work out, despite the presence of love. This is not true. It’s far worse when a relationship that already does not work takes one more step to the negative end and becomes toxic.
By toxic, we understand harmful. It is no longer a relationship that brings wellbeing to each of its members, but instead starts to take it from them. It starts working like a sort of acid that hurts each member individually.
Toxic love in relationships
Toxic love is an emotional pain that is born at the heart of the very union, the very compromise that becomes venomous. A toxic relationship is like a debilitated spirit that needs another person to be able to feed itself and survive. This type of “love” creates emotional pain that can end up destroying every healthy part of a person until there is nothing left but an empty hollow.
Toxic love is hidden behind a curtain of smoke where the partners fool themselves by thinking that the other person “is not bad” and trying to see the positive sides, like for example: s/he is a protective person, s/he loves the other person more than anything else in the world and takes care of them. However, the fact of the matter is that the relationship is only based on uncertainty, anger, need, insecurity, and even suspicion.
A person who is in a toxic relationship for too long will lose sight of what a healthy relationship really is. They will forget it and think that what is happening is normal, but nothing is further from the truth. A loving relationship is based on respect and blazing a path together, full of good times that will make both people feel happy.
“Disturbing emotions and toxic relationships have been identified as risk factors in disease.”
Any relationship can turn toxic if the partners do not take care of their emotional health. Being with a toxic person can lead to a harmful romantic relationship. There are things that you can never tolerate, under any circumstances, in a romantic relationship. Love is not always unconditional. If your partner is not treating you well, you will have to seek help immediately.
They undervalue or disrespect you
John Gottman, one of the most renowned experts in the field of relationship psychology, confirms that when he observes couples, the first thing sign of disfunction is when one partner looks down on the other or doesn’t show respect during communication. Gottman states the looking down on or disrespecting the other person are unmistakable signs that the future of the relationship is at a critical point.
John Gottman often comments that looking down on or disrespecting the other includes sarcasm, cynicism, insults, voluntary inattention, mocking, or hostile humor. This normally happens when there is a lack of respect towards one’s partner. The problems are not resolved and the couple is destroyed, as is your self-esteem if you have someone at your side who undervalues you.
They put you in last place
Health, children, and work are priorities in our daily lives, but a relationship must not be in the last place. If your partner does not pay attention to or even ignores you, then there is a problem that is preventing you from moving forward. This is known as partner negligence and it is something real. This lack of interest is an assassin that will slowly kill your relationship. Two people who love one another must be sure that they are fulfilling their emotional needs, but also their partner’s.
“In any kind of relationship, if a person feels like the other is not putting anything on the table, he or she will start to lack respect for the other person.”
– Sherry Argov-
They have been unfaithful
Unfaithfulness is not something that should be tolerated and less so when your relationship is on the edge every day. A healthy couple needs complete faithfulness and not to seek emotions and experiences in the arms of another person (without the consent of their partner).
Cheating or infidelity can also occur when you are flirting with other people, talking badly about your partner, or when you spend time alone with other people of the opposite sex with the intention of seducing them. Sometimes being unfaithful is not necessarily having sex with another person. Being unfaithful is having no respect for your partner and the relationship that you are building with them.
If they physically or verbally mistreat you
Words can do the same emotional damage as a bruise after being struck. Physical, verbal, and emotional abuse are not acceptable in any kind of relationship and even less so in a romantic one. If your partner hits you, humiliates you, forces you to have sex against your will, or treats you badly, you have to seek help as soon as possible.
Because faced with mistreatment of any kind, you must not hide nor remain quiet. You deserve to find inner happiness and break the chains of a cage that is doing you harm.