Value Those Who Give You Love and Don't Let You Go
As Bernabé Tierno says in his book, Aprendiz de Sabio (The Sage’s Apprentice) no one can question our need for love. It’s as fundamental as our need for food, air, light, water, or the sun. Furthermore, love is a spontaneous and natural feeling. For this reason, you shouldn’t ever forget to value those who give you love and never let you go.
It’s as inconceivable to demand that someone must love you as it is to forbid someone to love you. That’s because all love derives from spontaneity and inner freedom. You can’t control what you feel, nor the feelings you provoke in others.
“I propose that you do not look for me, that you find me, that you do not look at me, that you capture me, that you do not speak to me, that you feel me, that you do not love me, that you surrender, that you be you without being so at all.”
When you love, you do so with your whole being. You use your intelligence, your body, your senses, and, of course, your heart. It’s something that’s irresistible. Sometimes it’s beautiful and at others it’s painful. Nevertheless, it always teaches you something about yourself.
Value those who love you
Sometimes, you think that love is suffering, and to love you have to suffer. However, this is wrong. Furthermore, it takes you away from a healthy and balanced relationship. You should love and share, and enjoy being a couple. Love, but also keep your own space. Indeed, be yourself.
Sometimes, you find yourselves in the position where it seems like it’s only you who’s showing interest in the other person and only you who wants to tell them “I love you”. That makes it even more difficult for you to accept the fact that they aren’t calling you because they don’t want to talk to you. Furthermore, they’re making excuses not to meet you because they don’t want to see you. Finally, they’re not saying “I love you” because they don’t feel it.
Your ego won’t accept the fact that they’re ignoring you. It looks for excuses. Hence, you tell yourself things like, “They’re just too busy at the moment”, “They didn’t hear the phone”, or “They’re afraid to say they love me”. However, you need to be realistic and see the situation as it is. They don’t love you, and you can’t force them to do so.
“Love does not need to be understood. It needs only to be shown.”
On the contrary, if someone shows interest in you, calls you, writes to you, and shows concern about you, you must value that interest. It’s a sincere demonstration of their affection and respect for you. In fact, a spontaneous show of affection is something that comes straight from the heart. Furthermore, it makes you reflect on what’s really important.
Love the person who wants to be by your side
A person who really wants to be by your side calls you to see how you are. They’re by your side in difficult moments. They look you in the eyes and listen carefully to what you have to say. They respect and value you for who you are. They admire you and show you. Indeed, they love you.
If someone wants to be by your side, you can always count on them, whether they’re a partner or a friend. When you’re with them, you forget the time and don’t even look at the clock. In fact, the hours speed by without you even realizing.
Walter Riso claims that, in the case of a couple, it’s important that you know how to differentiate between ‘being one’, when you have no real desire to integrate with your partner, to ‘being emotionally united’. This means you have a bond in which you both maintain your own peculiarities and differences.
Seek reciprocity in your relationships
For a love affair or a relationship with a friend to work, there must be reciprocity. Walter Riso, in his book, Manual Para No Morir Por Amor (Practical Guide to Not Die of Love), makes an analogy with the thoughts of Aristotle and Saint Thomas. In fact, he claims that a just love is one that combines both distributive justice (distributing burdens and benefits proportionally among the members of the couple) and commutative justice (avoiding fraud and deception in any of its forms).
For Riso, a relationship is based on reciprocity. This means that any emotional and material exchange is balanced and fair and privileges are distributed equitably. In addition, access to rights and duties is equal between the two people and, neither of them tries to take advantage or exploit the other. In fact, neither thinks they deserve more than the other.
“Life has no meaning, you give it meaning with what you do, with what you are passionate about, with your illusions. You build the universe to your own specifications.”