Toxic People Are Fighting A Battle With Themselves

In your day-to-day life, you must learn how to deal with toxic people. Most importantly, you mustn't allow them to drag you into their own battles. In this article, we give you some advice for dealing with them.
Toxic People Are Fighting A Battle With Themselves
Gema Sánchez Cuevas

Written and verified by the psychologist Gema Sánchez Cuevas.

Last update: 27 January, 2022

High conflict people, negative people, toxic people. People who hurt you and disturb your peace far too easily and probably far too often. Generally, you don’t want them in your life. However, running into them is inevitable.

These kinds of people have a special ability to confront. They seem to constantly be seeking conflict with their thoughts, opinions, emotions, and behavior. In fact, their conduct makes you feel extremely uncomfortable and also interferes with your peace of mind.

However, it could well be that they have nothing personal against you. As a matter of fact, they’re often fighting a great battle with themselves. After all, as Gandhi said, a person at war with himself is a person at war with the whole world.

woman with butterflies on her back

Anyone can be conflictive

We all go through moments of psychological difficulty in our lives. At these moments, some of us may harm others and manage to turn them against us. In fact, we’ve all done harmful things to others, at some time or another. Therefore, we should understand that we all have the capacity to be conflicting and toxic. We just generally choose not to be so.

However, it’s exhausting to find yourself with someone toxic by your side. Someone who constantly criticizes, gossips, wants to argue, and distorts reality when it suits them, causing arguments between people who never usually disagree.

When you’re faced with these kinds of people, you must distance yourself emotionally and not allow their negativity to absorb you. Nor should you internalize their attacks or their bad words. Because they can go extremely deep and make a dent in your self-concept.

A toxic woman looking through a keyhole.

How to manage the problems generated by toxic people

Perhaps the best way of identifying a toxic person is by understanding that they’re actually at war with themselves and that they’re not evil.

In fact, you need to remember that:

  • Your way of cataloging people is decisive when it comes to relating to them. You mustn’t allow a vicious circle of bad questions and even worse answers to develop.
  • Toxic people do exist. However, you can change your view of them. You just need to understand that they’re actually going through certain problems that are generating emotional wars inside them.
  • We’re all conflictive to a certain point and in specific environments. For example, you might find that someone you love deeply is behaving in a conflicting manner. Nevertheless, it doesn’t make you love them any less.
  • Don’t let them make you think that you’ve done something wrong. If you internalize their behavior, you get dragged into their own world and their problems.
conflictive people

Don’t let others drag you into their own battles

You mustn’t let others drag you into their own problems. To understand this better, read the following:

-If someone comes to you with a gift and you don’t accept it, who does the gift belong to?” asked the teacher.

“Whoever tried to deliver it,” answered one of the students.

“Exactly, and the same goes for envy, rage and insults,” said the teacher. “When you don’t accept them, they continue to belong to the person who brought them”.

Each person gives to others what they have inside them, whether it’s pleasant or not. This doesn’t mean that they’re able to harm you. In fact, this only happens when you validate their opinions and actions. In other words, there are no offenses, only the offended.

Our internal architecture has weapons to defend itself against attacks. Three of the most powerful are: keep your distance, understand, and learn how to ignore the irrelevant.

Remember that the problem doesn’t lie with the one who harms you, but the one who replicates that evil thousands of times. Therefore, you can either let their words go or, on the contrary, you can allow them to remain in you. There can be little doubt as to what will prove to be the most satisfying for you. 

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Freire, E. (2013). Los malos del cuento: cómo sobrevivir entre personas tóxicas. Grupo Planeta Spain.
  • Gaffoglio, L. (2008). Cómo reconocer a las personas tóxicas. La Nación.
  • Stamateas, B. (2014). Más gente tóxica. B DE BOOKS.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.