Today, I Am My Own, No One Else’s: I Need Myself
Today I am my own, and no one else’s. But many people don’t understand my choice. I am called “antisocial”, “weird”, “selfish”, and many question my decision to find refuge within myself.
I turn off my cell phone, spend time by myself, stay inside a whole day without going out at all… It’s the truth, closing the door to everyone and embracing time alone are behaviors that not everyone understands.
Especially since we’re in an age where there is constant connection and an expectation of being available 24/7. I need to disconnect in order to take care of myself and breathe in the scent of freedom.
There are many people who actually get angry when you’re not available twenty-four hours a day. They consider disconnecting from the world a selfish act. Me, I like to call it “self-love”.
I am at my limit, and I need myself
More often than I would like, frustration comes up in my life, along with irritability and impatience. It’s like being in a state of constant tension.
I don’t know where it comes from and so I don’t understand how I can get rid of it.
However, when I stop to analyze the situation, I discover that they are alarms telling me I should put on the brakes. I don’t even sleep well anymore, even when I do sleep 8 hours a day.
Sometimes they’re feelings of frustration that scream at me that I’ve done too much and forgotten to prioritize myself.
Others are feelings of irritability that are so strong they made me blow up with even the smallest problem. But they’re no more than a sign of how overwhelmed I am.
Or perhaps, they’re feelings of apathy putting me on autopilot. They reflect how I’m drowning in all of the responsibilities I’ve put on my shoulders.
The thing is, when all of these signs appear and I am at my limit, something awakens inside me and fights to get me out of the situation.
It might be easier if I didn’t even get to this point in the first place, but sometimes I turn a blind eye to what’s going on. Only the symptoms above can wake me up and make me see that I need myself.
My fear of being alone and being judged makes me ignore all of the signs that I truly need myself.
I need myself and that does not make me selfish
I need myself and I know this doesn’t make me a selfish person. Even though society – and above all, those around me – make me doubt this a lot. And even though I end up setting my needs aside.
But when I do this, I know that I’m not doing what I want, rather what others want.
Prioritizing one’s self is something that is looked down on, and when you do it, you risk being labeled a selfish person. Even wanting to be by yourself can make others think you’re refusing to be with them.
They don’t understand that we’re always connected to each other, participating in social events, taking care of little crises, listening, helping others with their problems…
They don’t understand that forgetting to take care of myself is doing a disservice to my self-esteem and wellness, and in the long term my relationships.
Spending time on myself is self-love
All of the problems that come when I forget about myself, eventually brings me to my limit because they drain my energy. This is energy that I have to recover by spending time by myself without anyone judging me for it.
I need to take care of myself, love myself, and help myself. I absolutely need to practice self-love to be okay.
And when I need to be by myself and I let myself do it, I realize that being by myself not only recharges my batteries, but also allows me to regain my self-control and improve my relationships.
Even though it seems like a contradiction, by giving myself time, I’m able to think through life’s little irritations and struggles that I would see as huge, and instead see that they are really just trivial.
Above all, my brain is able to disconnect, and this is something that my neurons will surely thank me for. Allowing myself time by myself means I can clear my mind and think better.
I need myself — and I need to get to know myself
But what I like more than anything is being able to connect with myself. Building a relationship with my inner self allows me to know myself better, to know what I want and how I am doing.
“I need myself”, and today I am not ashamed to say it. I have decided to prioritize myself.
So when I feel exhausted or stop enjoying life, I take a step back from the daily hustle and bustle of life and I give myself time to be with myself.
And if it is too hard, I just start with a few minutes or an hour a day.
We don’t always have to give all of our time to others or to other responsibilities. I need myself. If I don’t take care of myself, if I don’t prioritize myself, who will?