Three Relationship Times: You Time, Me Time, and Us Time

One of the key ingredients of a well-functioning relationship is mutual respect. It's important for each partner to respect the other's "me time".
Three Relationship Times: You Time, Me Time, and Us Time

Last update: 27 April, 2020

One of the key ingredients to a well-functioning relationship is mutual respect. There are many ways to show your partner that you understand them. One way is showing them that you share or accept their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. But perhaps the most important proof of such respect is when couples abide by the three relationship times: you time, me time, and us time.

Sometimes, out of boredom, having to care for the children, lack of time, or pure selfishness, you might set aside what you need and opt for “the same old thing”. In other words, just the basic necessities. You might be absorbed by your responsibilities and the day’s routine ends up eating away your time.

This can affect your me time or the time you share with your partner. Nevertheless, knowing how to avoid this vicious cycle is key to strengthening the foundations of your romantic relationship. Let’s look at the three “times” in a relationship.

You time

Normally, one of the scariest things you might hear during a relationship is “I need some time alone“. You hear this from your partner and your alert signals go off. Many questions start bombarding your mind: “They don’t love me anymore?”, “Do they want to break up with me?”, “Do I bore them?”, or “Is there someone else?”

Couple talking about how to distribute their me time.

It’s true that sometimes a few weeks apart can save a relationship or even change it completely. Even so, you should try to take steps so that you never come too close to this breaking point. In order to avoid reaching it, you have to understand the person you’re sharing your life with and really get to know them.

Some questions you might ask them are: “What do you do in your free time?”, “Do you like to ride bikes, read, take walks, or go shopping?”, or “When you’re stressed, what do you do to get rid of all of that built-up tension?”

Usually, the most difficult thing isn’t noticing or becoming aware of your partner’s tastes. Rather, the most difficult thing is reaching the point where you respect the ones that are different from yours. You shouldn’t interrupt or boycott their space but instead facilitate their enjoyment of it.

If you know that your partner feels good when they go out with their friends and share stories with them, encourage them to do so. It’s not good for the relationship if you get angry, act cold, or create a strained environment when they tell you they want to go out. It’s also not appropriate to show jealousy or force them to pick between you and their friends. When they do something different, it doesn’t mean that they don’t love you. It only means that they need some space.

Me time

Just as you must respect what belongs to them, you also have to tend to your own individual needs. Don’t make the mistake of depriving yourself of those moments that satisfy you. They’re like a breath of fresh air and have a positive effect on your well-being. If you’re not well, it’s going to be tough to help your partner be well.

The same old routine can wear the relationship away, even more so when this routine isn’t integrated with genuine signs and gestures of love. These make a difference and reinforce the foundations of the relationship when it’s faced with obstacles or the passage of time.

We see that many people leave or neglect their traditional support circles when they start a new relationship. If each of you had your own friends, jobs, and hobbies when you started going out, why does so little of that remain now?

It’s highly important to integrate enjoyment as a couple with those personal aspects or dimensions that make you happy. You can enjoy everything. You can also learn to do it even when some obstacles arise. The key is to seek and find a balance between couple time and your own me time. This balance can help the relationship evolve.

The fact that you’ve both decided to start a journey together doesn’t mean you have to do everything together. It’s very healthy for each of you to be fed by your own energy sources. These are the ones that will recharge you when your partner is going through tough times and needs help.

Us time: One of the relationship times

Couple enjoying time together after me time.

Relationships aren’t like cacti that can be watered just a few times a month. If we were to compare them to a plant, it would be to a much more delicate plant that needs more frequent care and attention. It’s necessary to care for relationships on a daily basis. If you don’t tend to your relationship, it’ll end up wilting away.

In fact, one of the most common reasons why relationships fail is because couples spend little quality time together. That being said, affection, attention, and the small details and gestures shouldn’t be exceptions to the routine but instead part of the guidelines that direct the relationship daily.

But be careful. Quantity is as important as quality in this respect. A short time sharing moments, a good laugh, or a conversation might be better than longer periods of less quality time together.

As we can see, a relationship’s well-being is dependent on relationship times. You should find that harmony between the three times: you time, me time, and us time. The goal is to reach a balance in which both of you feel comfortable. There’s nothing better than communication to lay the foundations for this implicit agreement.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.