Lack of Passion in a Relationship

· August 4, 2018

Lack of passion is one of the problems that causes the most dissatisfaction in relationships. Finding someone to be with can be difficult, but it’s much more difficult to maintain a healthy and lasting relationship. Therefore, an increasing number of psychologists are concerned about studying the best way to achieve this.

In this article, we will discuss the importance of passion in relationships, as well as the best ways to spark it when it fades away. First, it’s necessary to understand why it arises and what’s it’s function.

What exactly is passion?

We understand passion as a feeling that makes us feel attracted and excited with a person. In general, it’s one of the three basic elements of relationships. In Sternberg’s triangular theory of love, there must be passion in a relationship.

A couple in bed.

What is the cause of lack of passion in a relationship? What’s its function in people’s lives? Evolutionary psychology has given the most acceptable explanation to date. According to this discipline, the best way to understand our emotions is to know their functions in our evolution.


Therefore, this approach believes that our ancestors used passion to ensure procreation. When a relationship forms, there’s a strong desire to keep it alive. Later, when a child is born, this feeling doesn’t have to exist anymore.

Evolutionary origin of lack of passion in a relationship

If we observe what happens to relationships, we’ll be able to verify that their evolution follows exactly the same pattern that we’ve just described. When lovers first get together, they go through a period of limerence. During this period, the other partner feels obsessed with the other person. All kinds of neurotransmitters are released and passion reaches its highest point.

However, once the relationship continues, this initial energy fades away and lack of passion begins. The two other factors (commitment and intimacy) will develop and sexual desire will slowly disappear.

Some studies have shown that intimacy and passion are incompatible to some extent. Oxytocin, the love hormone, is also responsible for reducing sexual desire in a couple.

Therefore, the first thing to understand about lack of passion is that it’s completely normal. Humans aren’t made to keep a relationship all their lives. But does this mean it can’t happen? According to some experts like Helen Fisher, this isn’t the case.

How to reignite passion in a relationship

Now we know that our biological make-up doesn’t encourage a strong desire to have a stable relationship. When the period of limerence has ended, the magic will begin to fade away little by little. However, there are other ways to help us solve lack of passion in a relationship. Here they are:

1. Share intense emotions together

Dozens of studies have shown that living intense experiences may spark passion in a relationship. Therefore, extreme sports, going to an amusement park, or even watching a horror movie together may increase sexual desire when it begins to fade away.

2. Better yourself constantly

One of the problems that make passion fade away is that people tend to let themselves go once they’re in a relationship. Instead of trying to be as attractive as possible, they settle. Fortunately, this problem is very easy to solve.

If you want to overcome lack of passion in a relationship, one of the most effective solutions is to work on bettering yourself. This may involve many things, such as going to the gym or working on your social skills and charisma.

A couple in the park trying to work on their lack of passion.

3. Maintain a certain level of independence

Finally, to avoid some of the most harmful effects of oxytocin on passion, it’s important that the couple remain independent. We all like to spend time with our partner. However, doing everything together is the fastest way for passion to fade away.

Therefore, if you feel that passion is fading away, start setting aside some time for yourself. By becoming more independent, your self-esteem will increase and your partner will look at you differently.

Maintaining long-term passion in a relationship is difficult, but it can be done. The three tips that you’ve read here will help you in this regard. However, don’t be afraid to try different things. After all, both you and your partner are in this together.