
We often fall apart when we try to keep others whole, avoid opening wounds, or keep already open wounds from hurting. We do this without realizing, or at least, without seeing the importance in it. When we get used to giving without receiving, we…
Nowadays, there’s supposedly sexual freedom and no taboos. And we say “supposedly” because, when it comes down to it, this isn’t really the truth. At least not for an important group of people who don’t enjoy intimacy. Some of them don’t enjoy it due to sexual anxiety.
When we speak of sexual anxiety we refer to a set of unpleasant emotions and feelings that have a common background scenario: sexual relations. They include fear, tension, rejection and, finally, dysfunctions. There are many reasons for it, but its effects are always very difficult to cope with.
“Eroticism is one of the basic means of self-knowledge, as indispensable as poetry.”
–Anaïs Nin-
Sex enriches life. It offers very important emotional and physical benefits. These benefits range from a stronger circulatory and immunological system to reducing stress. It has been said that it’s a natural pain-reliever and that it also has a wonderful potential to enhance our self-esteem.
However, when there’s sexual anxiety, people hardly find these benefits in sex. Hence, once the negative dynamic is established, any situation of physical intimacy causes restlessness and nervousness. There’s no enjoyment, only fear. There’s only a feeling of emptiness and dissatisfaction.
Sexual anxiety can come from different sources. Occasionally, it may be born from traumatic abuse. Sexual abuse is more frequent than people believe, partly because many victims don’t speak up. On the other hand, this is a taboo subject that was always covered up because no one was willing to report it.
When someone is abused at a very young age, they usually have very few emotional resources to manage their emotions. Therefore, it’s possible that the experience ends up leaving deeper scars and undesirable effects that will be more difficult to deal with in the future.
Sometimes the situation isn’t so extreme. Sometimes sexual anxiety comes from other sources. In almost all of them, the common element is repression, just like these cases:
There are other factors that can affect, such as depression, lack of self-esteem, or difficulty in accepting our own body. Unresolved conflicts and damaged trust will make anxiety worse.
In many cases, sexual anxiety ends up giving way to sexual dysfunction: decreased desire, difficulty feeling excitement, premature ejaculation, or pain during intercourse. All this impoverishes the couple’s sex life and relationship if not dealt with.
Here’s what you should do in case of sexual anxiety:
Finally, keep in mind that there are different kinds of sexual anxiety. Some demand professional help. In others, a change of circumstances can redirect the situation. In one way or another, if you’re in this situation and don’t know what to do about it, it’s best to go see a specialist. You should first see your doctor so that they can rule out any physical problem or if what you’re suffering is the side effect of a medication.
If you already saw your doctor and ruled those things out, it’s best to go to a psychologist. If anxiety is causing the dysfunction, the professional will design an intervention plan adapted to your needs that will undoubtedly help you.