Enjoying Your Sexuality Doesn't Make You Easy
Prejudice is all around us, even if we don’t notice it. It’s what leads us to stereotype the people around us without stopping to listen to them and respect their points of view. Particularly when it comes to sexuality and women, this is particularly prevalent. And this is my story:
I never gave my sex life that much thought when it came to the first few times, and what they all meant. It started out without any bad experiences and with some great surprises. Discovering new sensations, learning everything you can do and share with another human being, and just enjoying the moment.
I never really stopped to think if it was the right moment, or not. I like to think that’s where the magic and positivity in my first time lie. It just happened. It seemed like a simple thing, but it felt like the people around me didn’t feel that way, and were full of prejudice and scorn.
I kept maturing and this area of my life never mattered that much to me. Probably because I hadn’t enjoyed being in a steady relationship, yet. That allowed me to enjoy myself without too many headaches or emotional attachments. I liked everything that had to do with sex, and I was comfortable. Free.
Sex is… perfectly natural. It’s something that’s pleasurable. It’s enjoyable and it enhances a relationship. So why don’t we learn as much as we can about it and become comfortable with ourselves as sexual human beings because we are all sexual?
— Sue Johanson
I had various partners, each different and unique, and my relationships with all of them were largely without complication. If you asked me if I was careful with each of them, I would have to say yes. It’s also true that all of those people were full of love, care and no negative feelings. The people around me that love me, saw me as liberal or as a free spirit.
They thought that sex was something I did mechanically, with no emotional strings attached. They urged me to act more responsibly, and yet continued to actively judge my sex life.
But, what did I think of myself?
Regarding this phase, I’ll be perfectly honest: I did what my heart felt. If I felt happy and free, I ran with it. Without overthinking it and all while caring for myself and my body, obviously.
I enjoyed the moment, myself and him. I didn’t think beyond that.
Life had given me a wonderful gift: feeling unity with a person that wanted to be with me and sharing love during that moment. Whatever the type.
An intimate love where you trust the person and you want to spend time with then at that moment. I asked myself: why would you betray the trust of someone that’s seen you totally exposed? Naked? I immediately realized that not everyone shares that sense of honesty.
And many years later, having accepted myself and separated myself from the rest, I realized that experiencing life and the world with an open mind about my sexuality made other people perceive me as “easy.” However, my friends and the people I trusted told me it actually made me more desirable.
I enjoyed this newfound position and I had gotten caught up in by accident, but soon began to feel uncomfortable with the prejudice of people who didn’t understand me. With the people that didn’t stop to appreciate it with freedom and a certain grade of human empathy.
What did I do about it?
Personally, I tried to understand the people that wouldn’t admit that they enjoyed sex. I never suffered a lack of respect, strange or dangerous situations, or abuse. Ever. With each of my partners, we just came to the agreement of living in the moment, the closeness and the pleasure.
I was, and still am, a well-educated person with amazing life experiences. A good person, with a heart full of unconditional love. Respectful and always human.
The problem became that all of my qualities were hidden behind the “appearance” of someone easy. I grew tired of the commentary and judgement, until I met the man of my dreams. I told him and trusted him with everything. And even though he wasn’t like me, he was just another person on the planet, he understood.
He didn’t judge me. It was totally the opposite. He felt like I had a controlled sex life and knew myself. I knew my limits, and because of that, could enjoy my freedom and balance.
So I gave myself permission: I continued to enjoy my sexuality and explore my body with a person that loved me. I did what my heart told me to do and I hushed the criticism by learning to respect myself. I finally understood that no one has a right to label you or question your persona.
Each person is responsible for why and how we live. We’re owners over our emotions and our bodies. Don’t waste your time dancing to the beat of people who are full of doubts and fear. Those people that always have an “I told you so…” or a “you can’t do that” lined up. What’s the message these people are trying to get across? That we’re not deserving of being ourselves. Be you.
Sex without love is merely healthy exercise.— Robert A. Heinlein