Relationships: Until Exhaustion Do You Part!

Relationships: Until Exhaustion Do You Part!
Sara Clemente

Written and verified by psychologist and journalist Sara Clemente.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

When we start a relationship, it’s normal to feel full of hope and joy, on cloud nine. If everything goes well and you want to make a long-term commitment, you may move in together or get married. What many may not know is that exhaustion can end up in the famous motto: “until death do you part.”

Sometimes it’s hard to explain how you can go from 0 to 100 in just a few months or years. What exactly happens to a relationship to get us to the point that we can’t deal with the other person’s quirks or defects? Is it living together? The lack of privacy? The declining passion?

How things go from passion to exhaustion

Disappointment is one reason exhaustion replaces passion. When a couple has just started living together, it makes sense that everything is full of excitement and happiness. But remember that eventually you will see another side of them.

Exhaustion in relationships.

When it comes to distributing house chores and expenses, it’s common for small conflicts to arise. We would like to be able to solve them amicably. But it’s very possible that what you see in your partner disappoints you. Perhaps certain attitudes or behaviors that you never knew about will surprise you and even disappoint you completely.

Another reason is indifference. This is the fruit of a prolonged and unfriendly coexistence. You may develop feelings of apathy, disgust or rejection towards the other person. That’s when everything they do seems like the start of an argument, something wrong that they need to change.

You argue about irrelevant things, and you don’t give any room for mistakes. Until there comes a day that you literally “don’t care anymore”. You resign yourself and live unhappily in stagnation.

Beware of exhaustion and routine

The day-to-day routine, the lack of enthusiasm and spontaneity, the absence of surprise and fun, fragile foundations, lack of common hobbies… Exhaustion has many causes. But the real cause of exhaustion in a relationship originates from the two people themselves.

If you are feeling down or don’t feel like going out, let your partner know. It may not help you find some relief, but then you can let them know how to help you. Likewise, if you always follow the same routine with your partner, in the end, it leads to undesired exhaustion.

For example, if you usually want to go to the movies on Fridays, there are two ways to face this. As an activity that you do to get out of the routine and have fun together; or as a predictable obligation devoid of any excitement. The first is better, right?

Attitudes that promote exhaustion

Lack of trust, falling victim to jealousy, insecurity, feelings of inferiority, lack of honesty. We tend to take on some of these attitudes when we’re in a relationship. And all of them lead to breakups or exhaustion. Therefore, if you want to maintain your relationship for a long time, you must take the initiative to talk and improve communication.

Another very common mistake that breaks people up is a lack of support. Often, when we have a problem and try to talk about it, we stop ourselves because we’re convinced that the other person won’t understand. And even worse, sometimes when we do talk about it, we don’t feel secure or protected or understood by them. To avoid this, make empathy your life partner.

Finally, lack of time is another major enemy of a healthy relationship. It’s important to take a few minutes every day to talk with your partner. A warm touch or simple eye contact can really fill them with energy. Stress and working too much are serious risk factors.

A couple fighting.

The solution is communication

As you can see, having a healthy and stable relationship is not always easy; it requires effort and conscious involvement from both sides. We also are dealing with societal stereotypes and stigmas, like how men shouldn’t talk about feelings or that women talk about feelings too much.

Women, due to stereotypes and social roles that they have had to play, tend to be more communicative. Meanwhile, men are supposed to be protective and tough, and thus more silent.

Usually, lack of communication in relationships is the reason they fail. If something bothers you about your partner — for example, that they never put their clothes away or don’t take out the garbage — it’s best to tell them. Not with the intention of arguing, but of expressing your thoughts.

In addition, success is not only in pointing out negative things and the need to change. The most important thing is love. Therefore, also communicate the positive parts. Do not forget to point out what they did well and what you like.

Silence cannot be heard, but it fills everything.

A sad couple hugging.

By making your partner aware of what bothers you, perhaps you can iron out or modify it. And if you don’t, then don’t take it personally; understand that no one is perfect. Like your partner, you too will have your quirks.

On the contrary, if you choose to not say anything, you will not only be omitting information that can enrich your relationship, but you will also make yourself feel less and less happy. In the end, you’ll explode over any little thing. To communicate is to live. What you don’t say, and what the other doesn’t know, basically doesn’t exist.


This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.