People Who Have No Filter

People Who Have No Filter

Last update: 29 May, 2018

People who have no filter don’t know how to keep their thoughts, feelings, or emotions in. They blurt out the first thing that comes to their mind, without thinking about the consequences. They often hide behind the shield of their unwavering “honesty,” but be careful not to confuse honesty with unpleasant, baseless, unsolicited judgment.

While it’s true that honesty is the foundation of any lasting relationship, saying how you truly feel should be done respectfully, carefully, and in an appropriate context. For example, if you don’t like your friend’s new haircut, you can just say they look good no matter what, but the one they had before was better. Isn’t that better than saying you don’t like it at all? They’re two ways of saying the same thing, but one may hurt their feelings, while the other might actually encourage them.

Think before you talk

People who have no filter don’t put their thoughts through the sieve of reflection. They just say what’s on their mind and then watch the consequences unfold. If they hurt someone’s feelings, they just hide behind what they consider to be their main virtue: they always tell the truth. They’re adults who never doubt themselves and who take honesty to the extreme. They make embarrassing situations even more uncomfortable.

Therefore, they rarely ever bite their tongues or leave anything unsaid. They’re generally very active and show off how outgoing they are. Because they can’t handle silence, they break it by saying the first thing that comes to mind.

A woman being hurt by someone who has no filter at dinner.

Loved and hated equally

However, they’re always at the top of the list when someone needs a friend to be up front with them. Sometimes you need someone to tell you like it is. In those cases, people with no filter are valuable because they can be counted on for their honesty.

But in delicate, painful moments, they don’t measure their words and it can have truly horrible results. It usually just adds fuel to the fire. While their bluntness is valued in some cases, it’s very unwelcome in others.

Radical decisions

For people who have no filter, everything is black and white. They want everyone to be the same as them and can’t understand any other way of being. They express their opinions openly, unafraid of what everyone else will think.

But in the process, they expect others to be just as straightforward with their opinions as they are. And the sooner, the better. This makes people feel forced to say things that they wouldn’t say if they weren’t under such pressure.

They have to have the last word

If you ever need to suggest something to them, try to make sure they agree with you, because unfortunately, they need the last word in every decision. And if you don’t go along with it, they make their displeasure clear and try to get everyone else on their side. They tend to be good manipulators, quite apt in social situations. They’re good allies but fearsome enemies.

The truth is how you feel, but you can say it in different words.

people arguing

How do you handle people with no filter?

Timid people tend to be afraid of this kind of person. They stay quiet in the face of their harshness and go along with any decision they make. To protect yourself from that kind of intimidation, you have to have a skillful sense of diplomacy.

People with no filter don’t pay much attention to detail. They hone in on what’s important to them. Therefore, it works well to make them think that they’re the one who made the decision, while in reality it was someone else who made it — but subtly.

It helps to let them know when they’re making you uncomfortable. Tell them that you don’t want to do what they’re trying to make you do. Don’t just avoid contact them; you have to confront them respectfully and tactfully.

For example, you could say “I don’t think right now is the best moment to talk about this, let’s resolve this another time.” Or “let me think about it and get back to you.” Don’t stoop down to their level, because it will just escalate the situation. You’ll kill each other with honesty.

We need to think before speaking. It takes just a few milliseconds, but it’s vital. If you don’t have anything nice or pleasant or helpful to contribute, it’s best to just not say it at all. Because sometimes silence is better than saying the wrong thing.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.