Never regret being a good person. How many times have you wondered if being a good person was really worth it? There is always something going against you. Recognition doesn’t always come with every good deed. And it’s not just about recognition. So often you come to realize that your deeds weren’t even noticed.
Many times, frustration and a feeling of powerlessness find a place in our bodies and souls when our kind gesture isn’t noticed by people. We feel like this especially when it comes to the people we love the most or when it keeps happening.
Nevertheless, if we enjoy taking care of others and making them feel good we should not stop our instinct to love and be kind just because it goes unnoticed.
“Kindness is the only investment that never fails.”
-Henry David Thoreau-
The “fair world hypothesis” describes a cognitive bias we all use in some way or another to process information. Most of the time, we expect to receive what we give to others. As if it were a mathematical equation.
We feed the thought that we are always going to get what we deserve, when it’s not actually like that. We all wish this world were a fair ecosystem, with clear laws that would tell us what to expect. However, that’s just not how it is.
The difficulty of being a good person in an unfair world
The world isn’t like that. The world surprises us with how it balances forces and how the people who live in it make their priorities. People who often put their own interests ahead of justice. People who punish (whether consciously or unconsciously) the kindness of others.
We do usually think good people will be rewarded while bad people will get punished. But in life there is no such law. Life is unpredictable with all of its coincidences and randomness. This mistaken belief creates a lot of unrealistic expectations. It’s like we are taking what will happen to us for granted.
“One man cannot do right in one department of life whilst he is occupied doing wrong in any other department. Life is one indivisible whole.”
Life is not fair in that aspect. In such a confusing world, there are good people suffering and bad people succeeding. But this doesn’t imply that goodness has no point. Nor does it mean that it isn’t appreciated, recognized, or valuable. Goodness is extremely important. It’s one thing that makes human relationships different.
Being a good person will always come back to us
Good people give light and a special sparkle to human relationships. You will never regret being kind just because sometimes you feel that your kindness is not noticed or appreciated by others. There is always someone who will value your gestures.
The most important thing in not that others see us for who we are. It is that we ourselves feel comfortable with the way we love life and others.
Being a good person means getting the kindness “arrows” we shoot out into the world back. They will always be sent back to us as peace and joy. As long as what we do is pure and we don’t do it for the reward, we will be able to feel good about our goodness and not regret it. Remember that being good has the power to comfort us in our soul.
“You will see that the evils of men are fruits of their own choice; and that they seek for the source of goodness far away, when they carry it within their hearts.”
-Pythagoras of Samos-
When we do what we do just because we felt it that way, we are being fair with ourselves and with others as well. But if we want to get something from others, we can always ask them for it.
This example may sound familiar. Some people, in order to get love and affection from their significant others, are very detail-orientated with them. And when their significant others don’t return the gesture, they get mad and blame the other person for not caring about the details.
Sometimes we disguise manipulation with excessive goodness
A lot of times manipulation is disguised as warmth and kindness, and this can lead to misunderstandings, arguments, and a waste of energy. All it really takes is a simple and honest communication of our true intentions.
If we want our significant other to be more caring, we can ask them. But we will have to accept it if they start being caring in a forced and unnatural way. Do you really want that?
It might be better for our mental health to accept that the other person will probably not show their appreciation exactly the way or at the time we would like. Being a good person at that level of purity implies that we don’t mind receiving something “equally valuable” in return. It is an act of authenticity we should not lose.
If we are being nice only because we want something in return, it’s better to be honest with ourselves and think about how be more authentic.We don’t have to use those little manipulations that can end up hurting us so much. Them too. The point is: never regret being a good person. Goodness always comes back in the form of inner peace.