How Many People “Should” We Have Sex With?

· September 30, 2017

There are various studies that have been conducted to this day in the attempts to find an answer to these questions. Is promiscuity good? Is there something positive about being a virgin until marriage? Let’s see what science has to say about it.

“Sex without love is an empty experience. But, as empty experiences go, it’s one of the best.”
-Woody Allen-

Science and the number of people you should sleep with throughout your life

The truth is that we don’t always know if it’s good to have a lot of sexual relations or not. Is there any good reason to estimate the optimal number of intimate encounters a person should have? While it’s up to each person to decide, science has some answers.

First of all, let’s take a look at the study led by Illicitencounters. According to this portal and its research, there is an ideal number of sexual encounters: 10. This is the perfect amount according to the results their investigations provided.


young cool couple kissing

Why 10? Apparently, this is the amount of ideal encounters according to us, human beings in general. If the number of encounters a person has had exceeds this number, we believe the person to be promiscuous. If the number is less than 10, we consider the individual inexperienced. Nevertheless, according to surveys, the number which is really extraordinary for the average person is 20. That is to say, above this number, many people think that they are in the presence of an individual who is much too promiscuous. This will produce feelings of distrust and insecurity.

Other scientific studies about sexual encounters

Due to this study about sexual encounters, it’s interesting to observe other investigations and compare the extracted data. This is the case of the research led by the University of Michigan. According to their findings, women confessed to having had 9 lovers throughout their lives, while men confessed to 32.

“Men fear sex much more than women.”
-Arthur Miller-

However, other investigations affirm that while men tend to exaggerate these numbers, women do the complete opposite and reduce the number of their sexual experiences. If this were the case, we would probably reach a number between 10 and 20 lovers, right?

This way, we might be able to verify the amount approximate to 10 lovers as being “ideal”. Nevertheless, one should always remember that these studies proceed from North American researchers. What happens in nations which are much more liberal in this regard, such as Cuba or Brazil? It’s possible that the results would be very different.

Be careful with your amount of lovers, it could lead to your divorce

Another study conducted by the University of Utah estimated that women who had more than 10 lovers have a higher chance of ending up getting divorced. This fact contrasts with women who have only had sexual relations with one or two people. These women also seem to have a good chance of putting an end to their marriage.

The researcher in charge, Nicolas H. Wolfinger, a specialist in couples and relationships, analyzed the divorce rate in the USA and combined it with data about female sexual behaviors in order to reach this conclusion. This way, he concluded that the tendencies change radically. 40 years ago more than 20% of women affirmed that they were virgins until marriage. Today, only 5% of women do. And funnily enough, the more romantic partners a girl had had before marriage, the greater the chance that the relationship would end in divorce.

hands holding up broken heart

This data contrasts with the previous studies in regards to women with little previous sexual experience. Wolfinger turned to studies from the Institute of Family Studies, and he found that this same tendency to divorce was found in girls with less than 3 previous relationships.

How many people should you have sex with before marriage?

Science definitely studies social and psychological human tendencies. A lot of general data can be extracted from them. Yet, none of them should turn into dogmas. That is to say, the fact that a person has slept with a lot of people doesn’t mean that their future marriage will necessarily run short. If they even get marriage, of course.

Thus, and to conclude, we could say that maybe 10 is an ideal and round number. But maybe there is a different proposal we could make in this regard. It would be something along the lines of: do whatever you want whenever you want. You may and should have sex with whomever you want, and if not, then don’t. As long as you’re not bothering anyone, enjoy and live your life. Whatever should be, will be, but it’s all in your hands. The truth is: you decide. Everything is simply data, numbers, tendencies, ideas… which are always interesting and give us a general idea of how we perceive sexuality in each society or study group.