I Love You The Way You Love Dark Things, Secretly

August 2, 2016

I love your danger, your sadness, each crevice of your soul and spirit. I love the way you look at me, caress me, kiss me. I know that in each one of your smiles there is a whole word of possibilities, which I’m learning to spy through your lashes.

I love you secretly, in an impossible spirit between reason and the heart. If my heart says I love you, my reason will deny it forever, but my heartbeats won’t allow me to forget what I feel. Because I can’t forget the emotion that arises when I look at you.

And that secret is mine or both of ours, but we know it exists without uttering a single word, without giving it away. It is guarded by the dreams that reside under my pillow, which each night whisper into my ears.

“Love is born out of the sudden wish to make something temporary permanent.”
-Ramón Gómez de la Serna-
couple holding hands

I love you without knowing how, or when, or where

I don’t know when I started loving you. I did it without even noticing, without thinking about it. I simply felt little by little that I could love every one of your fingertips, every word that your lips pronounced, each one of the perfect imperfections of your body.

I don’t remember the precise moment that I started loving you, because there were so many times that your smile captivated my gaze. So many times you made me see the world through your eyes, and I couldn’t look at you the same way again.

I don’t know how it has grown, nurtured by your way of walking through the world, of looking ahead and making me see that what matters is life, the sky above our heads and the wind through the trees.

“Don’t be afraid of destiny, don’t be afraid of distance. My heart is in your soul, because I’m always very close to your love.”
-Celeste Carballo-

I love you without knowing where I am, where you are, where it all started. Maybe it was on the shore of your lips, in the curve of your neck, in the world created by your dreams. It doesn’t matter, because it is one place or maybe one hundred places, but they taught me to see you as you are and to learn to see me as I am.

I love you directly, without any issues about pride

There is no space for pride. Because I love you even though I may not be able to have you, because your happiness is my happiness. Though you may not be near me, I know that your thoughts will carry my image in your mind and for a second that precious smile will draw across your face.

I don’t depend on my feelings for you, or from you, I simply adore you. I don’t wish to posses you, because I adore the way that you’re free and the way you let me be free as well. The freedom I enjoy is the one with which to love you without any chains or indefinite contracts. We’re whole even when we’re not together, because we don’t depend on each other, instead we respect each other.

couple lying in a field looking at stars

So close that your eyes close with my sleep

I admire your bravery in showing the world your fragility, your vulnerability, without fear, knowing that it’s risky, but the only way to live fully. You show what hurts you, what worries you. You cry and laugh, hug, get angry and every atom of air that surrounds you receives your energy, vitality, as I do.

The combination we have achieved is beautiful. You can see me even when you’re not looking at me. In fact, your eyes close when I’m sleepy in order to let your imagination take flight. With one glance we can tell each other a thousand things or none at all. We can hug, or kiss, with a simply meeting of our eyes.

If you’re at a distance of a mere few centimeters, if you’re a thousand kilometers away, if I can’t see you, if I can’t hear you, if I can’t feel the touch of your skin, it doesn’t matter. Because it’s the wind that brings me the memory of your smile, of what you taught me, of what I learned from you, of the way I feel about you.

“I don’t love you as if you were a rose, topaz
or bouquet of carnations that feeds the fire:
I love you the way you love certain dark things,
secretly, between the shadows and the soul.

I love you like the flower that doesn’t bloom and
remains within, hidden, the light of these flowers,
and thanks to your love it lives in the shadows within me
the tight smell that rose from the earth.

I love you without knowing how, when, or even where,
I love you directly without any problems of pride:
that’s how I love you, because I don’t how to love any other way,

simply like this, in a way that I’m not nor you are,
so close that your hand over my chest is mine,
so close that your eyes close with my sleep.”

-Pablo Neruda-