Life is a wonderful journey that’s constantly changing. Everything has a beginning and an end, and things that were there yesterday might vanish tomorrow. Accepting this reality allows us to live in the here and now more peacefully, enjoying the things we have in our grasp, without worrying about whether we might lose them or not.
It’s so important to learn to close stages, chapters, or stories in our lives, because that’s what it means to live: changing, renewing, and not remaining in the famous, blissful comfort zone for longer than necessary.
When you remain anchored to a life that doesn’t do anything for you because you’re afraid of change, you’re not really living life fully.Share
Fear of uncertainty
Change creates uncertainty, which makes us afraid. Humans have a strong desire for control, but like the rational beings we are, we must learn that certainty doesn’t exist, except in the case of death. As much as we try to control our world, certain things happen when we least expect it, and we don’t have any power to change that.
Therefore, stop trying to control everything. You won’t be able to do it, and it will only make you upset. Accept the fact that things will end, and it will be okay because this is normal. It’s just a part of life.
You don’t want to remain in a place you don’t need to be anymore out of fear of uncertainty. You might be suffering today over closing a chapter, but tomorrow you’ll be happy and you’ll open a new chapter, which will most likely be much better. It will be better because you will do better. You will have learned from the previous chapters, made conclusions, and matured as a person.
Take memories for what they are and try not to mix them with exaggerated feelings. What was then won’t be anymore, and there’s no point in brooding over it. Now you have a new stage before you, one where you can discover, explore, and get to know yourself better, and above all, one that you can appreciate and enjoy.
In every stage there is pleasure, something positive, something new. Nothing is ever completely bad, even if you don’t see it that way right now.Share
If you reflect objectively, distant from your emotions, you’ll see that nothing is completely good or completely bad. If your relationship has ended and that stage of your life closes, you could think about how maybe now you can do things that you couldn’t before when you were with that person, or how you’ve learned what you don’t want in your life. It’s true that you’ve also lost the good things you had with that person, but as we said before, other good things will come into your life, new doors will open, and you’ll discover new paths.
Everything changes, everything passes, everything is reinvented. Us, too. We evolve as people, we don’t remain static. The person you were yesterday is not the same person you are today. We grow, we mature, we get older, and we die; this is the natural order of things, and there’s no point in going against the current or trying to change it. We just have to accept it with serenity.
How to break away from fear
Stop asking why
Why did he have to die? Why did she leave me for someone else? Why did he break up with me? Why did they fire me? Asking yourself these questions won’t solve or change anything. And it most likely won’t even make you feel better.
The past is the past, let it go. Don’t create more problems or unnecessary frustrations by trying to find out why. Maybe you’ll never know why anything happens, and even if you do, it usually doesn’t change anything.
Revise your internal dialogue
Don’t say things like “it’s not fair that this ended,” “my life has no meaning after the breakup,” etc. These are false, exaggerated, and impractical thoughts. You’ll adapt to change sooner or later, but you’ll do it much sooner if you learn to manage your thoughts.
To do so, you have to exchange those thoughts for more realistic ones, until you start to believe them and they become automatic: “Maybe it’s unfair that this ended, but life is unfair. I can handle it,” “the meaning of my life doesn’t depend on one person, and there are plenty more things that I can enjoy.”
Let go of the things that don’t add anything to your life
Throw out old things, delete photos, shred documents, donate old clothing, move to a new house, get a new partner or a new job…don’t remain anchored to a place where you don’t fit anymore.
Start to build your present and map out your future. The things you think you need aren’t really essential in your life. What’s essential is eating, breathing, sleeping, and drinking…the rest is just routine, habit. Humans are capable of getting used to things and then weaning off of them, developing habits and then breaking them. You can do it, so get to it, and don’t be afraid! Nothing terrible will happen!
Try to implement these three steps, and you’ll gain wisdom, maturity, strength, and mental health. Assume, embrace, and accept changes; make them part of yourself, your life, your world.
Look ahead, like you do when you’re driving, never backward. You only need to look in the rearview mirror for a split second, but in order to drive you have to keep looking forward, observing and accepting the things that are happening and the things that are yet to come.