To You, Who Left Without Saying Goodbye

To You, Who Left Without Saying Goodbye

Last update: 06 April, 2020

To you, who left without saying goodbye, who after sharing so much (or so I thought) reduced it all to something so insignificant. I still don’t understand how you could go from hot to cold in a matter of seconds. You lost your light in just a day, and words that used to build me up turned into bullets.

To you, yes. When did you change your mind, and how didn’t I notice? How is it possible that I kept thinking our love was authentic and true? Why didn’t you tell me when you started to realize that our defense mechanisms had failed? That we were no longer protected?

I’m left with no answers, with thousands of doubts, with a creeping sense of guilt. One day I think it was me to blame, then you, then both of us, or simply time and routine… Other days, I realize that going around in circles like this will only make me more upset, more hurt. Although this thinking also keeps you alive, if only in my memories.

To you, who took everything from me in a matter of seconds

To you, yes. You who imagined a future with me. Who made me dream of traveling, magical moments, unconditional support. Who included me in your day-to-day life, in your new projects, even in your fantasies.

Embrace between man and woman

In fact, you were the one who encouraged our plans, you were the one who reminded me of the good thing we had, the one who said that nothing and no one could separate us. You were the one who told me that the only thing you needed was to feel the way I made you feel. Sometimes calm or peaceful or tranquil, other times passionate and full of desire. I motivated you to overcome, and I told you how much I valued you.

I refuse to believe that you’re capable of erasing all of that in a single blink of an eye. Not just what we said to each other, but everything we conveyed through gestures and embraces. The desire to take the world by storm, to cuddle on the sofa with our eyes closed, to hold hands and kiss, to surround ourselves with joy, to laugh until we cried, to bite back our anxieties and brush our hands across the bed, even if just for a few millimeters, to make sure the other was there every morning when we woke up. I refuse to believe that’s all gone.

I know it’s possible, that I can’t rule it out. But I find it impossible to believe that the happy times are no more. Call me naive or ignorant, but our feelings have a lot of power over us, and I have a bad habit of giving into them.

To you, who left without saying goodbye, who gave up instead of fighting

To you, who left without saying goodbye. This letter is for you, this burning letter born from a love that I thought could never end.

I still don’t understand where the crack came from – the indifference, this desire to end it all until there was almost nothing keeping us together anymore. But what kills me the most is the uncertainty of not knowing your reasons, and not wanting to try to understand. It was the first time a storm had shaken us up like this.

“To fight” is a verb that strengthens  couples, at least couples who’ve grown from their mistakes and wouldn’t consider abandoning ship at the sign of the first problem. Those who know that staying together makes them stronger know that the excitement fades away as the love evolves. Still, it’s possible to rekindle the fire.

I’m sorry, but I don’t understand. It’s impossible to close a door with no lock or key, and you were the one who opened it. The hardest part is that you don’t even consider the option of fixing things or at least talking about what went wrong.

Crying eye

Now, don’t think that I regret giving you a whole year of my life. I know that, at some point, I did something that didn’t match what you wanted, but I needed you to tell me. I’m not perfect. A word, a gesture, a small sign… anything to hint how you were feeling in response to my naive actions. Unfortunately, I don’t have a crystal ball.

I’m asking for your forgiveness. I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry if I did. But I still don’t understand the abruptness of the situation. At least this first time. If this had happened before, maybe it would be easier. Or if bad feelings had been building up for a while. But just today you grabbed my hand, told me you loved me, and talked to me about your dreams for us. Then you undid it all in one night.

To you, yes. You who left without saying goodbye. I’m talking to you because your absence haunts me, hurts me. It feels like this sense of emptiness is only growing. Because I love you, I miss you, and I know you’ll miss me.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.