What Julio Cortazar Taught Us About Love

30 October, 2016

Julio Cortazar was one of the most innovative writers of his time. He constantly experimented with short stories, poetic prose, brief narration and novels. He broke all of the classic rules of writing and literature with stories such as Hopscotch. He reflected a lot upon love, and nowadays his phrases are still a source of inspiration for many.

Throughout history, a lot has been written about many diverse topics. Yet, there has always been a constant in disciplines like philosophy and literature: the theme of love. Thousands of words have been poured into texts throughout every period in history. And these texts have nurtured and inspired our dreams.

Cortazar’s phrases about love are an example of that human necessity to understand love. Of our need to know how to love and not suffer over it. Cortazar transforms words into poetry and teaches us his view on love, heartbreak, memory and oblivion.

Learn to leave when the time is right

One of the most common mistakes people commit within relationships is trying to remain in a relationship that no longer makes us happy. Breakups and reconciliations happen for a while in a desperate attempt to save something that is beyond salvation.

“Everything always lasts a little longer than it should”

Putting an end to a relationship requires bravery and knowing when is the opportune time. If someone doesn’t make us happy, remaining by their side is an unnecessary suffering that we shouldn’t prolong. Break things off at the proper time, don’t let a relationship deteriorate. Be brave and put an end to it at an opportune time.

Love is complicity and reciprocity

If within your relationship, you give love and receive indifference and contempt in return, this is not a balanced relationship. Love is reciprocity, being by someone’s side when they need it. It is having them support us during our lowest moments.

If you fall, I’ll pick you up. And if not, I’ll lay down beside you.” 

Love is also complicity, because you can’t survive solely on passion. You also need friendship and the deepest trust in order to build a solid foundation. If your partner doesn’t trust you, or you don’t trust your partner the relationship is doomed. Likewise when there’s just sex, but no intimacy. If these things happen, something is not right, and it is time to reflect upon your relationship.

What happens when love ends?

Heartbreak is very difficult to accept, because it affects our ego directly. However, sometimes love ends for many different reasons and the time comes for us to learn and to know that everything is not over. Life goes on, and it’s time to analyze the lesson and learn from the mistakes you might have made.

“With each passing day, I will feel less and remember more.”

The initial feeling of sadness, the immense desire to cry after a breakup, will slowly be substituted by good memories. The pain will start to disappear. With the passage of time, slow but unrelenting, we will slowly start to feel better.

Love doesn’t thrive solely on words and promises

Sometimes we cling to words and promises. Yet, over time these words disappear and are not accompanied by actions. Love is not nurtured by words, but rather by actions. Caresses aren’t the only things that count, but rather the demonstration of feelings in every way.

“Affection doesn’t thrive on lovely words and long-distance promises.” 

A love built on promises that are never kept or fulfilled will inevitably end up disappointing us. Therefore, we should be realistic in these situations. We should look at what is real, not what we wish was real. If a demonstration of love does not exist, in every sense, the love itself doesn’t exist.

Love is given at the opportune moment

It’s happened to all of us at least once. We meet someone that seems perfect. They are exactly what we wanted and were waiting for, but it is not the right time or place. A thousand circumstances could be taking place, that person may live in another city. They may already be in a relationship, or we simply may not want a partner at that time.

“You are the perfect person at the wrong distance.” 

The distance, time, place, they may be wrong. Therefore, we should try to learn from these situations, draw lessons from it and go on with our lives. We don’t know what could happen in the future and whether that perfect person could reappear or not.