It’s Not You, It’s Me…

· December 8, 2015

How many times have we felt attracted to people who wouldn’t be right for us, or who wouldn’t love us in the way we wanted or thought we deserved? And we’ve given our all to them, without getting anything in return.

How many times have we hooked up with someone, as though we needed an external reason that would motivate us to enjoy life? As if knowing that someone else existed would confirm our own existence.

How many times have we had to shelter ourselves from the world because the person we thought we knew and loved more than anything, disappointed us over and over again?

How many times have we felt guilty for ending the relationship because we didn’t know how to manage it well, or how to be who we were? As if we had to be perfect, or pretend to be what we weren’t.

How many times have we compared ourselves with other people who, according to our own point of view, overshadow our aspirations? As if we couldn’t follow our own example.

How many times. How many times have we had to hear somebody wish that everything could be like it was before, followed by a door slamming in our face.

Because it’s not you, it’s me

Of course it’s me. It’s me who’s learned to not be there if I am not sought, to not give anything unless it will be received, to not give more than the other person shows they deserve. It’s me who understands that when things don’t happen, the best thing to do is to not force them, because they rust, lose value, stop working, become stagnant forever.


It’s me who wants to dance, laugh, and live without conditions, without excuses, and without interference. I’ve learned that in order to think about you, first I have to know who I am, what I care about, and where I want to go.

In order to offer something, first I have to cultivate it. I have to walk alone before I can be good company.

Because ultimately, life is about prioritizing. And we can’t be dependent on other people’s priorities. We can’t give other people control over our happiness, as if we couldn’t fulfill the quota ourselves.

Because you don’t look for someone else in order to be complete; you are already whole. You look for someone to go beyond your own point of view. To support and be supported. To clear up the unknown.

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Don’t seek someone else just to find what you can’t find in yourself. Don’t hope someone will find you if you’re not even capable of growing. Do things that fulfill you; pursue your dreams.

We’re taught to satisfy others, to behave, to live according to the ideals of the majority. We’re taught to find someone or something that takes us to the summit of life.

But they don’t teach us the fine print, which is that you can’t be with someone if you’re not capable of being alone, if you can’t maintain a balance, or if you can’t support the weight of your own goals.

First you should be yourself, and then everything else will follow. This isn’t selfishness, it’s coherence. When you open the door to the outside world, you should know to filter out what can contribute something positive to you. If you don’t know what you’re looking for you won’t value what you find.

We don’t try to be above others; we try to be in control of our lives so that emotional turbulence doesn’t block us from our paths.

Because of course it’s not you, it’s me. It’s me who understands that you don’t need people, you want them. That in order to live, all I need is the ability to breathe.

It’s me who doesn’t want to stop being who I am so I can be with someone. Because without you, I am still me. 

And without you, I am everything.