Is It Worth Reconciling With Your Partner?

Reconciling with your partner can be a unique opportunity to solve underlying difficulties and improve the relationship. But when's it worth doing? Or, rather, worthwhile?
Is It Worth Reconciling With Your Partner?
Sergio De Dios González

Reviewed and approved by the psychologist Sergio De Dios González.

Written by Edith Sánchez

Last update: 06 April, 2023

Sometimes, after a huge upset, a considerable disagreement, or a major setback, the storm passes and calmness appears on the horizon. At other times, it doesn’t. This is because the events left a significant mark. That’s when you wonder if it’s worth reconciling with your partner or if it’s time to end the relationship.

This question is extremely important, especially if you’ve experienced recurring difficulties or something has happened that questions the relevance of your relationship. Either way, the most important thing is to ask yourself if reconciling with your partner represents a solution or is a way of perpetuating your problems.

If you’re going to reconcile with them, you need to consider how you’re going to do it. Will everything be solved with a bouquet of flowers or a romantic dinner or should you go further? Find out more here.

“Reconciliation requires changes of heart and spirit, as well as social and economic change. It requires symbolic as well as practical action .”

-Malcolm Fraser-

Worried woman thinking about reconciling with her partner
Reconciling with a partner is possible, as long as a solution is viable and there’s a change in the relationship.

Reconciling with your partner

Problems in a relationship are normal. In fact, they’re an excellent opportunity for improvement. Many difficulties don’t reach the point of generating a breakup, but others do. Others not only cause estrangements but also discomfort and can significantly scar both partners. There are also many small problems that can become repetitive and deteriorate a relationship.

It’s in these cases that the question arises as to whether it’s convenient to reconcile with your partner or not. The first thing you should take into consideration is your own feelings. In particular, the emotions that your partner generates in you and if the love you feel for them is still really strong.

Is it worth reconciling with them? Not if any of the following circumstances apply: 

  • Your main motivation for reconciling with your partner is your fear that the relationship will end.
  • You’ve already repeatedly encountered the same problem. It usually ends in reconciliation and then reappears.
  • You’re harboring feelings of resentment and only want to reconcile to get even with your partner.
  • You feel guilty. That’s because you think they’ll really suffer if you don’t reconcile with them.
  • You believe that, with a little patience, you’ll be able to change them.
  • You feel obliged to reconcile, for the well-being of your children.
  • You’ve certain economic interests that you can only salvage if you reconcile.
  • You’re worried about what others might think if you don’t reconcile.

In all of the above cases, you must think extremely carefully about what to do. These are the kinds of situations in which you’re not really looking to reconcile with your partner. In effect, you’re prolonging a reality that’s uncomfortable for you but that, for one reason or another, you don’t want to leave behind. However, at the end of the day, this won’t work. Sooner or later, you’ll realize that you’re hurting both yourself and your partner.

Man talking to his partner
When reconciliation is linked more to prolonging a reality that’s not really working, it’s advisable to stop and reflect.

How to reconcile

If you’re looking to reconcile with your partner out of love and because you want everything to work better so you can grow together and achieve more balance and harmony, you’re on the right path. That said, this isn’t enough. In fact, just as important is choosing the right way to resolve the core of the conflict. Firstly, take your time and don’t rush.

You need to examine your feelings. In particular, ask yourself what’s bothering you, how it’s making you feel, and why you’re uncomfortable. Put your hand on your heart and, without beating yourself up, honestly try to identify how you’re participating in or contributing to the conflict. Is it by action or omission? Focus on you, not your partner.

When you think you’ve figured it all out, tell your partner that you want to talk. Ideally, find a time and a space where you both feel comfortable and aren’t in a hurry. The best way to reconcile with your partner is by telling them what you’ve discovered in your reflection. How do you feel, how is the situation affecting you, and what do you want for the future? Of course, it’s also important that you’re able to listen with respect to your partner.

Reconciliation is consolidated when you reach a new agreement. If it isn’t possible to solve everything, at least there must be a commitment to change, readjustment, and improvement. This isn’t simple but, if you really want to get it right, give reconciliation a chance. Finally, reconciling doesn’t mean turning the page, but preparing to write a better page than the previous one.

All cited sources were thoroughly reviewed by our team to ensure their quality, reliability, currency, and validity. The bibliography of this article was considered reliable and of academic or scientific accuracy.

  • Álvarez Ramírez, E., García Méndez, M., & Rivera Aragón, S. (2014). Medición de la culpa en la relación de pareja. Ciencias Psicológicas, 8(2), 115-128.
  • Castelló, A. S., Torres, C. R., Pérez, R. L., & Vayá, E. J. C. (2017). Efectos del conflicto parental postdivorcio en la adaptación y bienestar de los hijos. Información psicológica, (114), 83-97.
  • Cigoli, V., & Scabini, E. (2007). Construcción del ideal de pareja y procesos de reconciliación. El cuidado de los vínculos. Mediación familiar y comunitaria, 109-132.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.