If the People who Know you, Love you…Why are you Afraid?

· March 20, 2018

Let’s do an experiment. It would be best if you represented the results of this experiment in percentages. Sometimes too many contradictions can accumulate within your mind, and it makes it hard for you to view the results clearly. Hence, this will help you find “data” more easily and understand why we all sometimes become afraid of social contact at some point and even more afraid of love.

Go back in your mind and think about all of the people you have met throughout your life. Think of the ones who have truly hurt you, of the ones that you simply found hard to withstand. Think of the ones you have been indifferent towards or the ones who have produced fear within you. The ones who have caused you well-being and the ones who produced euphoria and plenitude.

If the last two groups of people mentioned take up a considerable percentage of the whole, think about whether these feelings have been reciprocal. These are the people in your life who love and respect you, just as you love and respect them. There are many people waiting for someone like you to come into their lives. These people constitute a very good reason to not let “the bad ones” diminish you striving to get to know others.

The sad part is that often we endure so many blows that we transform into the type of person who lives their life half-way. These people live with the sensation that they have a lot to hide because at some point someone thought they had nothing of interest to show. However, where those people didn’t see anything of interest, other people saw something wonderful within them.  Isn’t it time to change the focus of our attention and use a scale that is not biased towards fear?

If you judge yourself, try to be fair

Consider whether you’re a part of that group of people who have ever received a call in the middle of the night. The type of person that someone else has told their most intimate secrets to. Someone who has been sought out several times to celebrate an achievement with. Ask yourself whether someone keeps asking how your life is doing, even after several years have passed…

Are these people who wish to see you, even though in order to do so they have to change appointments around and get home late. If you have a group of people that made you answer “yes” to any of these questions, you are lucky. Now, think about this –  if you are capable of awakening this type of sensation in others, why are you at times so afraid of social contact? Why are you still so scared to open up?

“It’s not after we realize that we mean something to others that we feel there is a purpose or a meaning to our existence.”
-Stefan Zweig-

Two childhood friends are sitting in a tree together.
People who accumulate damage and fixate on it will find it very hard to focus their attention on the group we’re referring to. If this is your case (or that of someone you know), I urge you to change your perspective. I ask you to, in that judgement you have formed, also listen to those you love and who respect you. Furthermore, think about what would have happened if many of the wonderful people you have met had also opted to protect themselves in order to avoid harm. You would have hardly enjoyed their company.

Pleasure is born from being important to the people who add to our lives

Because it is a pleasure to care about the people who view us as significant. Because it is delicious to share in the company of those who add to our lives and who we care about. These sensations strengthen our inner world. They annul the need for a wall that cuts out any type of communication with others.

Nobody has greater influence in our lives than those who we wish by our side when we’re feeling happy, sick, melancholy, overwhelmed, or anxious to travel somewhere new. That’s what it means to live one’s life in the company of others and not debate the meaning of one’s existence in solitude. That’s what it means to walk forward stealthily and openly, learning that there are people who are temporary. But also, some people who make our path even easier to bear. People who carry us in their arms, making us feel like we can fly.

“Don’t give up, please don’t yield,
Even if the cold burns,
and the fear bites,
Even if the sun sets and the wind goes silent,
There is still fire in your soul
There is still life in your dreams.

Because every day is a fresh new start,
This is the time and the best possible moment. 
Because you are not alone, because I love you.”

-Mario Benedetti-

A woman is staring into the eyes of a tiger.

Think about the good and love, forget the dark side of things

Focus your attention on the right group of people. This is not about who gets the most points, it’s about multiplying the good experiences. Something that cannot be done is trying to have all our experiences land in the  “good” area always with the people who support us. We should not focus our attention on the people who have failed us when we trusted in them.

The best cards in your hand were provided by the people who motivated you (and who still do) to keep moving forward and never the ones who cheated. Focus your attention on the things that add to your life and that matter to you. You have your own rules and the rules of others might be different. But don’t allow their influence to bend your judgement. If you are the judge, don’t allow room for cheating. Don’t exclude the testimony of the people who love you. Life is a source of dangers, but it is also a luck of the draw and down to destiny. Destiny for us and for the people we love.