How Do We Get Through a Breakup?

October 19, 2015

Who hasn’t suffered through a painful breakup? And how did we act afterwards? Sometimes we’re not mature, and we crumble or try to blame the other person. Many feelings bubble right under our skin.

Knowing the stages you go through after ending a relationship might help you deal with it in a better way. In the end, does time really heal everything?

“You must end it, with your gaze to the future, the chain that kept us bound in the past, marching forward resolutely.”
Giuseppe Mazzini

The 5 stages to overcoming a breakup:

1. Denial

This is the first stage. The breakup is unexpected, unwanted and a sense of denial emerges because of it. Who cares if you were lied to, cheated on, or if your partner did the worst thing imaginable? You don’t care. In your mind, only the good memories will remain in this phase of non-acceptance.


During this first stage, people lie to themselves. They think that maybe it’s just a rough patch, a crisis that will pass and will work itself out sooner or later. Unfortunately, they’re lying to themselves.

2. Rage

The stage that follows denial is rage. This happens when we become aware and conscious of the breakup. There’s no going back. But, beware! Be careful to not try to skip this stage, as it is essential. Rage is a necessary step to overcoming the end of a relationship. Without it, it’s much more difficult to move forward and achieve closure.

Getting angry and mad is something that scares us, and we usually try to avoid it. But don’t suppress it, since that could hinder your future relationships. So, get angry!

3. Bargaining

When people are on their deathbed, some try to bargain with God in order to save their lives. In the case of a breakup, this bargaining takes place with our partner or with ourselves. But, is it worth it?

“In romantic relationships there are two stages that happen almost one after the other: one, in which it’s best to reconcile immediately after a fight, since making up can’t be delayed for too long. And the other, in which it’s best to take advantage of the first fight that can be used as a pretext to break up, since it’s already unavoidable.”

Arthur Schnitzler

What are you bargaining with? Maybe you consider different options to keep the breakup at bay: open relationships, long distance relationships, etc. How often does bargaining actually work? It depends on the couple.

4. Depression

If bargaining doesn’t work, that’s when you fall apart. You now know that no matter what you do, the relationship is over and there’s no going back. Took you long enough! After going through denial, rage and bargaining. Now it’s even harder to face, and you plunge into depression.

It’s important for you to lean on the people who love you. They will help you overcome your grief. Try to eat well, and sleep the appropriate amount of time. Stay healthy even though you don’t feel up to it.

You can allow yourself a couple of days of solitude, tears and darkness shut away in your room. But don’t let it go on for too long. Find strength from wherever you can and get up!


5. Acceptance

It’s important for you to live each stage of a breakup completely. Interrupting them isn’t helpful, and just makes the next time even worse. Likewise, the bargaining stage could be beneficial or not depending on who you are. If bargaining works, but the relationship is no longer the same, you’d be doing a lot more harm than good.

Once you’ve overcome each stage, the only thing left to do is accept the breakup. After all the anger and crying, now you’re okay! You can see your ex and not feel lousy. The world will no longer crumble around you.

The breakup process has ended, you’ve matured and learned from it. The first breakup is the hardest, but it will help you handle the ones to come with more maturity.

Can you relate to these stages? Do you think there’s one you could skip? Tell us about your experiences in ending romantic relationships! Overcoming and growing from it will make us much better people.