Helping a Sad Person Feel Better

3 minutes

It isn't always easy to help a sad person feel better. It's an act that requires sensitivity and precision. Furthermore, it may be that they actually need to feel sad at this particular time.

Written and verified by the psychologist Marián Carrero Puerto.

Last update: 21 December, 2022

When someone close to you feels sad, you may experience a few doubts when it comes to supporting them. Indeed, helping a sad person is no easy task and sometimes the help of a qualified professional is necessary. Furthermore, sometimes sadness is necessary. Therefore, when it’s fulfilling a purpose it shouldn’t necessarily be chased away.

According to the psychologist, Paul Ekman, sadness is one of the six basic (non-natal) emotions of a human being. The others are fear, anger, disgust, happiness, and surprise. These basic emotions are necessary since they each have a function. When it comes to helping a sad person you need to give adequate emotional support. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean trying to immediately stop them from feeling sad.

“Emotions were like wild horses and it required wisdom to be able to control them.”

-Paulo Coelho-

The refusal to experience ‘negative’ emotions

Socially, sadness has a negative connotation. Indeed, our social directives regarding sadness tend to be along the lines of “Men don’t cry”, “Sadness means weakness” and “You must be strong”. Therefore, if someone sees you looking sad, they’ll probably tell you to cheer up. In fact, sadness is an emotion that we don’t like. Indeed, having someone by your side who’s permanently sad tends to make you feel emotionally drained.

All this shows that the meaning of sadness, on a social level, is negative. However, what if we dig a little deeper? In fact, expressing that we feel sad means we receive help. We also acquire certain resources and skills to overcome our sadness. This encourages both reflection and self-knowledge.

“An emotion does not cause pain. The resistance or suppression of an emotion causes pain ”.

-Frederick Dodson-

What you should know before helping a sad person

Sadness fulfills several functions. Feeling sad signals that a loss has occurred. It motivates us to demand help from others, and it increases our level of introspection so we’re able to better analyze the situation. In addition, sadness affects our energy and enthusiasm for vital activities, causing both the rate and the level of our reinforcers to decrease.

Introspection gives us the opportunity to mourn a loss or a frustrated hope, weigh up its consequences, and plan a new beginning. This decrease in energy, in all probability, kept primitive human beings within the vicinity of their own habitat. That’s where they were safest.

“Sometimes it takes sadness to know happiness, noise to appreciate silence, and absence to value presence.”

-Anonymous-

You can see the sadness and pain in the expressions of those suffering from sadness. However, evolutionarily speaking, these expressions act as a call for help.

Giving support and caring for your friends and family can help heal them. Nevertheless, it should be remembered that a person on medication may not show their sadness so much. This means you may give them less attention.

Expressions of sadness are involuntary and not intentional. Nevertheless, their evolutionary function is to make other people see how they’re feeling so that they offer help.

If they don’t want your help

It’s worth noting that not everyone wants to be helped when they’re feeling sad or distressed. In fact, some prefer to be left alone and not be seen in that particular state. They may be ashamed for feeling weak or helpless, or for being so dependent on others.

They may even take pride in never showing any negative emotions, always preferring to put on a brave face. However, the fact that someone is extremely reserved in expressing their feelings doesn’t make these emotions any less intense or even disabling. Indeed, as we already mentioned, there are many social prejudices in this regard, such as the idea that ‘men don’t cry’.

It might interest you...

Mestre, J. M., & Guil, R. (2011). Regulación de emociones: una vía a la adaptación. Madrid: Pirámide

The contents of Exploring Your Mind are for informational and educational purposes only. They don't replace the diagnosis, advice, or treatment of a professional. In the case of any doubt, it's best to consult a trusted specialist.