Goodbye Letter: Things I’ve Never Told You

· December 17, 2015

I don’t know when I started to lose you, or how it happened. All I feel is your absence and the related stir of emotions.

Maybe it’s not that I’ve lost you, but that my feelings have changed for reasons that I’m still trying to understand and decipher…not even I can understand how fire can turn to ice in a matter of moments.

You know what I’m saying? When you lose or disconnect from someone, you feel an unbearable void within yourself. This happened to me with you…

frozen heart

I’m left with so much to do, so much to say to you…but it’s when I have you in front of me that I get a lump in my throat and the words don’t come. I have failed you. I haven’t been able to keep my promise of joining my life with yours so that we could make the journey together.

The truth is that I do not regret anything we’ve done so far. Nothing that was done, said, or felt. I’ve had special moments with you, I’ve felt extraordinary things, and we’ve done things that can’t be repeated.

polaroids


No one has loved me more kindly or sincerely than you. No one else has ever taught me that love is built just as much as it is found, and that the important thing is to surrender to it, to give into the facts and flow with them. Or that opportunities only come when we look for them.

I’d like to thank you for staying by my side, for everything you’ve taught me, and for everything that we’ve learned and discovered together.

Because of one thing I’m sure: that you’ve made me a better person. Thanks to you, I started to find myself and connect with myself in new ways. And that has immeasurable value.

The things I never told you are the ones that I can’t say with words. The feelings, love, affection, and nostalgia that are felt from deep within myself.

I’ll remember you and tell you what I never told you, but what you probably knew and respected.

teddy bears

There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t been grateful for meeting you. Because even though now we’re not the same, you’re the most important person that I’ve ever known, the most sincere and authentic. I can see it in your eyes.

You and I, we walked secret paths, and others more traveled, but we walked with and for our emotions. We learned that love is more than a feeling, that it can become something inexplicable. It can be felt as an internal explosion and it can help you discover the essence of the person that knows how to look you in the eye and talk to you without saying anything.

We spoke the same language for a long time, until I started to not understand it anymore. For that, I’m sorry.

But I also want to tell you to continue being who you are, from your head to your toes, keep loving with the simplicity and purity that is so characteristic of you. I want to tell you that I’ll be here, I promise, as long as you and my emotions will let me. I would never dream of forgetting you. You are a part of me. Of my story, my life, and my person.

There’s a piece of you in me, and I suppose there’s a little piece of me in you, too.

Maybe we don’t walk the same path anymore, but everything between us was so healthy and genuine, so honest and kind, that you’ll always be important in my life. My turning point.

walking barefoot

And although this is a goodbye letter, I don’t consider it such, because I don’t want it to be. I think saying goodbye to you would be impossible. You’ll always be there, here, a part of me in many ways, because when someone comes into your life, in spite of everything, it’s impossible to erase them.

Impossible to erase how much love you have given me. Impossible to erase how much love is written in this letter.