A Balloon of Emotions in a World of Pins
It’s simple. We’re a balloon filled with emotions in a world full of pins. I’m talking about you because everything excites you and you wear your feelings on your sleeve. Of course, that’s what characterizes you. You stand out because of your special sensitivity.
But there’s a price you pay for being exceptionally emotional. Your concerns, your emotions and how you feel do not let up. They are with you through thick and thin.
And then there are the pins, which prick your balloon and spread your emotions. They don’t understand that your skin is fragile and that, if they come close to you, they’ll cause an explosion, an irreparable rupture. You try to contain all of your emotions but do not always succeed, only sometimes. And you take care to make sure no one steps on them, of course, because then you would lose part of yourself and have to put together another puzzle.
Each time you’re pricked by a pin, you need to build your balloon back up, this time a little tougher. You know that sooner or later another pin will come along and pop it again. However, this new pin has to get a little closer to you.
“I will put my balloon in a balloon. That way I’ll protect myself,“you think. And it’s how you end up putting layer upon layer to protect you from the outside. As if you were an onion.
Each time you say, “I will not let myself get hurt again,” but each time another pin ends up popping all your barriers. And back to the beginning.
This time you will paint each balloon one color and write a few words for all to see:
# 1- I am always okay, nothing’s wrong
Denying our feelings is one of the most common tactics. This makes us unaware of what is happening to us and, of course, allows us to think we are avoiding it.
If we are not able to describe moments of our life in detail it’s because we have stopped thinking about everyday life. This, of course, has dire consequences. If we don’t learn from our experiences then we’ll continue to make even more mistakes and we will not recognize ourselves in our actions.
# 2- I don’t need a hug
Another way we armor our ballon is through denying contact with others. This is one of the darkest strategies because it pushes us away from the real world, keeping us from participating fully in life.
Frida Kahlo said that to wall off our feelings is to risk ourselves being devoured from the inside. We want to be loved but without showing fragility, without opening our hearts. There are hugs that can mend our broken parts, but we have to let ourselves be embraced.
# 3- I can deal with everything
We tell ourselves that we have superpowers and nothing overwhelms us. But the reality is that moving with a shield is difficult and it takes away our freedom. In the end we’ve inflated so many balloons that we don’t know how to stay in the air and relax.
This attitude which gives us some illusion of control over our emotions, but it’s only a mirage. Something painful happened, but the fear of suffering makes us hide the truth.
#4 – It’s my character, I am how I am
Okay, you are who you are and you defend your right to be, but are you speaking for yourself or for your armor? You’re probably putting on a mask; a disguise so no one knows what’s happening on the inside.
This balloon can protect you from many pins. However, although it may allow you to fly over some complex situations, at other times it will become an even greater burden. This situation, will generate far more suffering than it reduces.
We protect ourselves from others, but one day, we’ll get stuck behind our armor and we won’t be able to get out or breathe. We can flee or victimize ourselves, but that does not help us. Our balloons have been flavored by the past. A past that we have to start to get over.