The Emotional Inheritance of Our Ancestors

Our emotional inheritance is as determining as it is intransigent and imposing. Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that our story started when we cried for the first time. Thinking this is a mistake because, just as we're the fruit of the union of an egg and a spermatozoon, we are also the product of a mixture. A mixture of desires, fantasies, fears and a whole constellation of emotions and perceptions. These were mixed together in order to give rise to a new life. Currently the concept of "family novel" has started being used. From the moment a person is born, they start writing a story with their actions. If the stories of each members of a family are observed, you'll find essential coincidences and common axes. It would seem as if each individual were a chapter in a bigger story, which was written over different generations. “Truth without love hurts. Truth with love heals." -Anonymous- This situation was beautifully portrayed in the book "A Hundred Years of Solitude", by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. He shows how the same mistakes are repeated over various generations. This happens until the mistake becomes a reality and ends with a whole lineage. In particular, what is inherited from past generations are the nightmares, traumas, and unprocessed experiences. Inheritance that goes through generations The process of transgenerational transmission is unconscious. Usually there are hidden or confusing situations, which generate embarrassment or fear. The descendants of someone who has suffered an untreated trauma bear the weight of that lack of resolution. They feel the presence of "something weird" which gravitates like a weight, but can't quite be defined. A sexually abused great-grandmother, for example, can transmit the effects of her trauma, but not its content. Maybe even her kids, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will feel the echo of a certain intolerance towards sexuality. Or a visceral distrust towards members of the opposite sex, or a sense of hopelessness that doesn't quite take shape. This emotional inheritance can manifest itself as an illness. The French psychoanalyst Francoise Dolto affirmed: "The first generation is silent, the second generation carries it within their body." Just like a "collective unconscious" is a recognized thing, there is also a "family unconscious". Within this unconscious reside all of those silenced experiences. Experiences which have somehow been silenced, because they constitute a taboo. These may include suicides, abortions, mental illnesses, murders, bankruptcies, abuse, etc. The trauma tends to repeat itself in the next generation, until it finds a way to become aware and resolve itself. Physical and emotional discomforts, which seem to have no explanation, can be a call to awareness about these secrets or silenced truths. Which may not be in one's own life, but in the life of one of your ancestors. The path to understanding your emotional inheritance It is natural that in the face of a traumatic experience people will react by trying to forget. Maybe the memory is too painful. Maybe they think that they won't be able to suffer through and transcend it. Or, maybe, the situation compromises one's dignity, such as in the case of sexual abuse. That's why, despite being the victim, it translates as shame to whoever suffers it. Or, simply, they want to avoid the judgments of others. That's why the event or fact is buried, and it is considered good news to not bring it up again. This type of oblivion is artificial. In reality, it isn't forgotten. The memory has simply been repressed. In turn, everything which is repressed returns, in one way or another. It is most likely to return via the path of repetition. This means that a family which has suffered through the suicide of one of its members, will probably end up suffering through it again in the next generation. If at first the situation was not approached and accepted, it remains floating like a ghost. But, eventually, it will show itself once more sooner or later. The same thing happens with every type of trauma. From understanding to acceptance Each one of us has a lot to learn about our ancestors. The inheritance they have bequeathed us is much more extensive than we assume. Sometimes, our ancestors harm us, and we don't even know why. It might be clear that we come from a family that has gone through many vicissitudes, but we might not know what our role is in this tale of which we are a chapter. It is likely that this role has been assigned to us without us realizing it. We need to perpetuate, repeat, safeguard, deny or cover up the traces of those events that have been turned into secrets. All of the information that we can gather about our ancestors is the best inheritance that we can receive. Knowing where we come from, who were those people we didn't get to know, but which are in the genesis of who we are. It is a fascinating road, and there is no way to get lost on it. By undertaking it, we'll be taking an important step towards reaching a profound understanding. We'll be that much closer to understanding our true role in the world.