With Time, I Remember More Happiness

· April 14, 2016

With the passage of time, that pain we feel — for the death of a loved one, the departure of someone we loved, the disappointment of a friend — is attenuated, diluted and we begin to remember the good times, smiles and feel caressed by the images of the past.

Over time, days and years, our feelings are softened and we manufacture our memories.

“Remembering a good moment is to feel happy again.”

-Gabriela Mistral-

Where are our feelings are born?

Studies of the brain have shown that human emotions are born in the limbic system, a set of structures including the hippocampus and amygdala, among others.

From the limbic system a number of functions including emotion, attention, pleasure, memory, addiction, etc. are controlled.

man siluette illuminated brain

But when we are in love, feelings originate from various parts of the brain, which is why it has been difficult for scientists to locate the exact site where the feelings associated with love are born.

Scientists at Concordia University (Canada) and the universities of Syracuse and West Virginia (United States) reviewed previous studies on brain activity related to love and sexual desire. They concluded that the place where love lies in the brain is linked to the place where sexual desire originates, but the two are separated.

Can we manage our feelings?

Sometimes we think of feelings as something dark and unchangeable because we do not usually teach emotional education. It is very common to think that we cannot change what we feel.


Feelings stem from the emotions that a particular situation or a person give us and emotions can be managed through emotional intelligence.

The term emotional intelligence was popularized by Daniel Goleman in his book “Emotional Intelligence.” Emotional intelligence is the ability to be aware of emotions and manage them properly so as not to paralyze the relationship with others and with the world as a whole.

“If you approach a situation as a matter of life and death, you die many times”

-Adam Smith-

Daniel Goleman includes basic emotions into six categories, which are:

  • Happiness: Feeling of fullness, joy and enjoyment.
  • Sadness: The sense of unease and emptiness, decay, lack of motivation, which are usually caused by a loss.
  • Anger: The perception caused by an obstacle, an offense or a nuisance.
  • Surprise: The feeling of an unexpected event that can be positive or negative.
  • Fear: A mood disorder that causes anxiety about danger or harm, whether real or imagined.
  • Disgust: Discomfort for something that produces discomfort or displeasure.

How to control our emotions?

One system to control emotions is the Sedona Method, and the goal is to release emotions quickly. This is done by asking five questions:

1. Can I accept what I feel?

Think about what’s bothering you, what you feel and let your emotions and feelings to flow, allow yourself to feel whatever you need.

2. Could I let go of what I feel?

It is simply about knowing whether it is possible.

3. Would I?

Meaning, am I willing to do it?

4. When?

It is a simple invitation to let go of what you feel.

5. Repeat the above four steps to free yourself completely of your feelings

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Start remembering

Remembering is a word that comes from the Latin “recordari” consisting of “re” (new) and “cordari” (heart). Therefore, remembering means to go through the heart again.

When we begin to remember a person who has left, a partner who has left us, we go through our mind and heart and all that we experienced and we tend to remember the happy moments. Situations that made us smile.

A group of scientists from Birmingham and Cambridge published a study which showed that we control what we remember and what we forget; in other words, that forgetting is not passive.

In order to learn to control bad memories you can follow three simple steps that will allow us to continue with our lives and enjoy our present and our future:

1. Accept

We cannot change the past, but the present and the future we can. So it is necessary to leave behind the moments of the past that hurt us and live in the present free of all blame.

2. Learn

You learn from the experiences of life, whether positive or negative. Our existence is a continuous learning experience, so look for what it teaches you with every negative memory and learn from it to continue with your life.

3. Forgive

Forgive others and forgive yourself. It is a way to put a limit on a negative memory and keep moving forward, fully enjoying every moment.

“Every time I continue feeling less and remembering more, but what is memory but the language of feelings, a dictionary of faces and days and perfumes returning as verbs and adjectives in speech.”

 -Julio Cortazar-