“Conscious” Love and Emotional Maturity

· December 7, 2015

All throughout our lives, we’ve been sold into the idea of “romantic love.” We’ve read about it in dozens of novels, seen it in thousands of movies, hundreds of television series and even come across it in advertisements.

So could we then say that “romantic love” is a type of scam? Maybe not entirely…however, we could more accurately define it as a type of “senseless love” since, in a way, it isn’t much more than an idealized view of emotional relationships. This is where we establish a really intense attachment and mutual dependence that almost never ends well.

It isn’t healthy to romanticize the idea of true love or the “perfect person.” After all, keeping an unreal image of this in our minds can get in the way of us meeting the “best” person for us instead of that “perfect” person who is nothing more than a fantasy. It’s a good idea to keep in mind that true love doesn’t come from someone, but rather from inside of ourselves.

Meaning, the best relationship should be built in a “conscious” way, purposefully, with dedication and emotional maturity.

“Conscious” love isn’t afraid to be alone

If you have never heard of the expression “conscious” love, it’s definitely worth exploring:


Couples who share a “conscious love” don’t see each other as “soul mates” who need one another to be complete. They are already complete people who aren’t afraid to be on their own. They freely offer their contentment and emotional maturity to the relationship, sharing it with one another.

People who are a part of “unconscious” relationships are usually immature. They look for others to fill their emotional needs and find a balance, establishing a type of toxic attachment. For these people, manipulation or subtle emotional blackmail is often the answer in helping them to establish a relationship because they are afraid of being on their own. They aren’t aware of how to properly face their emotional immaturity.

However, those who see themselves as complete individuals and also have the fortune of finding a mate that is just as emotionally mature as they are, experience “conscious” love where everything just naturally flows. There are no demands, no emptiness to fill, just mutual confidence and an understanding that they are building up a healthy relationship. Not an ideal one, but an authentic one.

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How to build a conscious relationship

Is it possible to create affective bonds that actually work? Of course! Establishing a relationship based on conscious love must first begin with getting rid of the need to “fill an emotional void.”

It’s all about having patience when starting the journey in becoming complete people on our own. Enjoy yourself, your experiences, each day you learn something new, as you enrich yourself by developing emotional maturity. True, conscious love will come to you when you are already whole, just don’t force yourself to find the “perfect” person.

For a better understanding, try the following advice:

  1. The best thing you can do for yourself is to NOT look for the perfect person. Start with yourself, create the best “you” you can be; become the version of yourself that you really love.
  2. Build up your emotional maturity, strengthen your self-esteem, defend your values.
  3. It’s important that you learn to be content on your own, to learn that being single isn’t dangerous or damaging. Don’t force anyone to be with you because you are afraid of being single.
  4. Never lose the excitement of starting new relationships. Don’t be afraid of making the same past mistakes; you’ve learned so much and you know exactly what you need.
  5. We understand that everyone has an idea of who their “ideal” partner is. It’s something that we all do and can’t avoid. However, if you have a very clear idea of what it is that you want, then be the type of person that you would want to have at your side, that way the right person will be reflected within yourself.
  6. Finally, always remember: You are worth loving. Never, ever tell yourself any different.

Image courtesy of: Benjamin Lacombe