Cherish Those Who Seek You and Love Those Who Don’t Let You Go

· September 2, 2017

As Bernabe Tierno says in his book “The Wise Apprentice” no one can question the need for love, in the same way we need for food, air, light, water, or sun. Love is a spontaneous and natural feeling, therefore, do not forget this: cherish those who seek you and love those who don’t let you go.

It is just as illogical to demand the love of another person as it is to prohibit a person from loving us, since all love results from spontaneity and our inner freedom. We can’t control what we feel, nor the feelings we produce in other people.

“I suggest that you do not look for me, but that you find me, that you do not look at me, but that you reflect me, that you do not speak to me, but that you feel me, that you do not love me, but that you surrender yourself to me

-Alejandro Esparza

When we love we do it with our whole being:  intelligence, body, senses and, of course, our heart. It is something irresistible, it combines beauty and sometimes pain, but it always teaches us to know ourselves

Cherish those who show interest in you

It is sometimes accepted that love is suffering, that in order to love we must suffer, but this is a flawed belief that distances us from a healthy and balanced relationship. Love and share, enjoy life as a couple. Love but also keep your space, don’t ever stop being yourself.

With friends and as couples we accept situations in which we always have to show interest, in which it is only us who says “I love you”, in which it seems that it is only us who wants to share things with the other person.


It is very difficult to accept that if someone doesn’t call you it is because they don’t want to talk to you, that if they look for excuses not to stay it is because they don’t want to see you and that if they don’t say “I love you” it is because they don’t feel it.

Our ego doesn’t accept that people would want to ignore us and we look for excuses such as “He must be busy”, “He can’t have heard the phone”, “He doesn’t tell me he loves me out of fear“, but it is important to be realistic, to see the situation as it is: that if someone does not love or value us, we can’t force him to do so.

“Love does not need to be understood, it just needs to be proven.”

-Paulo Coelho-

On the contrary, if someone shows interest in us, cares for us, calls us, writes to us, then we must value that interest, that sincere demonstration of affection and respect. A spontaneous display of affection is something that comes from the heart, and this makes us reflect on what is really important.

Love those who want to be by your side

A person who really wants to be by your side calls you to see how you are, is at your side in difficult times, looks you in the eye and listens carefully to what you have to say, respects you and values you for who you are, admires you and shows it clearly. In short, he or she loves you.

If someone wants to be by your side, then they are there and you can count on each other on a daily basis, be it as a lover or a friend. If you want to spend time with someone then you seek them out and share moments without worrying about the time, letting the hours go by without even realizing it.

In the case of a couple, as Walter Riso maintains, it is important that when we love we know how to differentiate between “being one”, which cancels out our individuality and makes us one, and “being joined together in love” which implies having a bond in which each person maintains their own individuality and also their differences.

Seek reciprocity in your relationships

In order for love in a relationship or with a friend to work, there must be a common sharing. Walter Riso makes an analogy using the thinking of Aristotle and St. Thomas in his “Practical Guide to how not to die of love” and says that a fair love is one that combines both distributive justice (sharing responsibilities and benefits proportionately in the relationship), and commutative justice (avoiding deception in any of its forms).

For Riso, a relationship is based on reciprocity when: the exchange of love and possessions is balanced and fair, privileges are distributed fairly, access to rights and duties is the same between the two people, neither of the members tries to take advantage or exploit the other one and no one thinks he deserves more than the other.

“Life does not make sense, you make sense of it with what you do, what you feel passionate about and with your illusions. You build the universe to suit yourself”

-Walter Riso-