Can You Change Your Personality?
We tend to think that we are a certain way, that it hasn’t changed since we came into the world, and that this is impossible to modify. However, we have the ability to generate certain changes in our personality and transform ourselves into better people and have longer lasting relationships. It’s only a matter of committing to oneself.
It’s the very language we use which is an accomplice to that perception of immutability. The verb “to be” acts as a condemnation. Because “being” implies an essence that can always be defined in another way, molded into a new shape with new edges.
Personality is forged over time
Contrary to what you may think, your personality is not a static or immobile entity. Instead, it can be molded according to the external stimuli and everything that surrounds you. From the moment you’re born, you start incorporating habits, experiences and even traumas that forge your character.
The truth is that as the years pass your attitude tends to always be the same, or at least very similar. And you end up thinking that your personality has been set in stone and, much like a tattoo, it will remain that way forever.
But the good news is that you have the chance to modify the traits that you don’t like very much and improve the relationship you have with yourself and others. Although it is simpler to “move around pieces” of your personality when you’re a kid or teenager, you can also see positive results during adulthood.
Although you may think that “at your age“ it’s impossible to change, we recommend that you think it over twice before you start believing this affirmation. Maybe the modifications won’t be that overwhelming or tangible, but changes will be made. You can be sure of that. These slight interventions in your character can help you live in a happier manner and become a better person.
Small changes in your personality will bring you happiness
It’s not necessary to suffer from a serious personality disorder in order to go to therapy and start modifying your attitude towards your surroundings. Changes are positive and necessary. We can’t simply remain always rooted to the same spot. Remember the phrase “be like the flowing river” and apply it to your everyday life.
Or are you the same person you were 2, 5 or 10 years ago? And we’re not talking about your height, weight or experiences. Nor are we referring to the studies you may have completed or the accomplishments you may have achieved. Surely what you liked during your youth are not the same things that you like today, and vice versa. Then, why do we cling to the thought that personality doesn’t change either?
If you’ve ever asked yourself “can I change my personality?”, maybe it’s because your way of acting or behaving is ruining your relationship with others or with yourself. The first step of wanting to improve has already been taken… Congratulations! Now starts the phase of asking for help and getting advice that you will probably not like, but which will definitely help you achieve your mission.
Most of the people that are in the same situation as you wish to change a specific trait about their personality. We’re not talking about you becoming someone completely different from who you already are. We’re talking about improving certain aspects which aren’t exactly positive.
Your loved ones might have pointed out to you that you are a little selfish. Or that you get distracted easily, that you can’t make appropriate decisions or that you’re excessively late. You already have something to work on!
Take the first step towards modifying your personality
All of the changes you want to make in your character will require time and effort. It’s not “a piece of cake” as the popular saying goes. You also don’t have to get up in the morning and be a different person. It’s about taking a difficult path, with many obstacles to overcome and situations that will put you to the test.
Be very patient, lean on people who love you, persevere and above all trust and rely on your abilities. This is fundamental in an undertaking that can be very complicated. It will draw out tears, anger and disappointments. But, you have already started to walk down a path towards transformation, overcoming and transcendence.
“Among the shores of pain and pleasure flows the river of life. Only when the mind refuses to flow with life and stagnates on the shores does it become a problem. Flowing means acceptance, letting arrive what may come and letting go what may leave.”
-Sri Nisargadatta Maharj-