It Is Best Not to Linger Where You Cannot Love

January 6, 2017

The end of a relationship doesn’t have to be seen as a failure. The “failure” of our emotional autonomy takes place when we strive to remain in a relationship. An unhealthy, unproductive relationship that has stopped evolving. Hence, a relationship in which it is impossible for us to love purely and intensely.

Because, as Frida Kahlo proclaimed in her day, it is best not to linger where you cannot love. Because we carry the things we don’t let go of like a burden. And what we carry weighs us down. And what weighs us down ends up sinking us.

On this basis, it is essential that we understand that fear and doubt are normal and common feelings. Furthermore, they often accompany us throughout our lives. But, we should be clear on the fact that striving for love regardless of its cost can only end up in us committing emotional suicide.
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Knowing how to close stages, a step of emotional maturity

It’s difficult at times to determine when we should close a certain stage in our lives. The truth is that many times relationships fall victim to the very weight of discomfort and the feeling of being trapped. One of the first symptoms is emotional claustrophobia. Drowning within a relationship and feeling like you need to fly. Feeling that you have lost all autonomy and that there’s no point in continuing like this.

According to how we plan on resolving this situation (that is to say, if we feel motivated to do so), the emotional conflict could resolve itself in one of two ways. It is very easy to feel like you are trapped in this nonsense, and to go round and round without finding a way out.

In order to alleviate the anguish of not having any magic “cure-all’s”, a great deal depends on the confluence of the attitudes, experiences, feelings and expectations which lead us to taking one step or another. Each one of us needs to examine ourselves and truly determine what we are doing and not doing to change the situation. As well as contemplating what we would like to do.

In these decisive moments, we tend to be threatened by the fear of emptiness in the form of a profound pain. This fear of leaving is normal. That’s why it is indispensable to inquire into what we want and what we are willing to do, as well as the motivations of the other member of the story.

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If we decide to fly we have to keep in mind that it probably won’t keep us calm at first. In fact, saying goodbye requires great bravery due to the uncertainty and the pain that is produced by leaving the castle we built with the intention of demolishing it.

It’s about halting a type of pain that can be avoidable. We’re referring to a couple, a friendship or any other type of relationship. Sometimes it is necessary to put an end to the disillusion and the disenchantment…simply because it has no other possible solution.

When we’re brave enough to say GOODBYE, the kind in capital letters that closes doors and windows. Other new ones are created to pronounce an overwhelming HELLO towards all things new. 

Every so often, snakes shed their skin. In order to get rid of their old skin, the snake chooses to slither through two rocks situated very close together. These will squeeze its body, scratch it and help it eliminate this now unwanted layer. Naturally, this journey isn’t pleasant. In fact, it is painful. But this action helps them get rid of something that is already worn out. And they do so in order to give way to something new and fresh.

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When we have to shed our skin and say goodbye, the new beginning can plunge us into a deep anguish. Let’s not forget that we’re providing space for us to be reborn, for us to grow. Suffering is inevitable when it comes time to close some doors in your life, but doing so is synonymous with loving yourself.

It is about visualizing your life in a different way, being brave and changing the locks. Because at the end of the day, that’s what counts, knowing how to evolve. You have to allow yourself stability and adjust the temperature of your life to fit your own needs.

It is good and advisable to make changes every once in a while. To empty our backpack of the heavier stones. To try to ease the backache we’re subjected to due to the inertia of maintaining what we think is appropriate.

Once you do, don’t focus on what you have lost, but rather on everything you could gain. Remember: don’t settle for being “almost happy”. Don’t finish bad books. Leave the theater if the movie isn’t good. Get up and walk out of the restaurant if you don’t like the menu or the prices. Look up and contemplate other paths if the one you are currently on isn’t the correct one. You can’t get time back. Don’t put a price on your well-being.