Relationships Evolve When They Commit to Conscious Growth

· December 10, 2016

Romantic relationships are undergoing an important renovation, at least at the conceptual level. The truth of the matter is that the current paradigm isn’t working. Many people are unsatisfied with their relationships, but don’t know how to make them work, because most of the traditional methods of organizing experiences and feelings in this context have become obsolete.

But what should these changes focus on in order to have a satisfying relationship? In general, when traditional norms are broken down, something new takes their place. With regard to relationships, the newly emerging tendency is the conscious relationship.

“You demonstrate love by giving it unconditionally to yourself. And, as you do, you attract others into your life who are able to love you without conditions.”

-Paul Ferrini-

The problem with traditional relationships

Are you in love, or are you just in a relationship? Too often, the latter is more common in traditional relationships. Most of us have learned that love is designed for personal satisfaction, and that you have to work to maintain the relationship, based on the couples we see around us and in movies and reality shows.

night sky

Generally, we maintain relationships by appeasing the other. But over time, you lose your sense of who you are because of what you’ve had to do to maintain the relationship. In this process, many people turn into someone different, and too often someone they don’t want to be.

Moreover, in traditional relationships, people are so preoccupied with pleasing their partner that they end up repressing their own instincts, feelings, desires, aspirations, and even fears and apprehensions.

“Relationships do not cause pain and unhappiness. They bring out the pain and unhappiness that is already in you.”

-Eckhart Tolle-


A new paradigm of love: the conscious relationship

Most current romantic relationships start as an adventure, as a way to have fun. During this process, the partners get to know each other and advance in their relationship. And yes, being in a relationship just to have fun seems to be in style, but sooner or later, most people end up looking for something more because having fun is no longer sufficient.

The difference between a traditional relationship and a conscious relationship is the focus of work. In a conscious relationship, both people feel committed to each other with a sense of purpose. This purpose is growth, both at the personal level and the relationship level.

Many people seek out romantic relationships to satisfy their own personal needs. This can be sustained for a while, but over time the relationship will fail and dissatisfaction will result.

But when two people unite with the intention of growing together, the relationship will advance towards something much bigger than personal gratification. It will become a fascinating journey of evolution, where both people have the opportunity to grow individually, instead of renouncing their own needs to please the other.

How to evolve into a conscious relationship

In spite of all the problems that might arise, the good news is that it’s possible to evolve as a couple from the traditional ideology into a conscious relationship. In fact, conscious relationships don’t just arise out of nowhere. First you have to get to know each other and have a wide variety of experiences. You can’t fall in love with someone you don’t know, or you’ll just be trying to fit the idea of love onto someone else.

Another thing that makes conscious relationships different is living in the present moment and being aware of what’s happening. This perspective is necessary, not only to have an enriching relationship, but also to take full advantage of each moment and grow as a person.

The most important thing is growth

Being unattached to the results of the relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t care what happens. Nor does it mean that you have no expectations. It just means being more committed to the experience of growth as the engine behind the relationship.

relationship tree

Because we’re all here to grow physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually, romantic relationships should foster this growth. And both partners should grow together, because if not, the relationship doesn’t have any meaning.

Both people have their own individual responsibility

In every relationship, wounds of the past are brought to light in some way or another. In traditional relationships, it is assumed that one partner should compensate for the other’s shortcomings, fill the empty spaces, and provide the happiness and love that were previously missing. But things don’t work this way in conscious relationships.

The goal of romantic relationships isn’t to make each other happy, it’s to make each other aware. The other person isn’t there to give you what you lack, but to help you find it. They’re not there to fill your empty spaces and have you fill theirs in exchange.

The conscious couple is prepared to discover and accept both past and current problems, because they know that they can evolve towards a new reality. But it’s necessary to assume responsibility for one’s own feelings and beliefs, without burdening the other with a job that one is incapable of doing oneself.

“If you take your happiness and put it in someone else’s hands, sooner or later they will break it. If you give your happiness to someone else, they can always take it with them. Because happiness can only come from within you, and is the result of love, only you are responsible for your own happiness.”

-Miguel Ruiz-

The relationship serves to practice love

Love is the practice of acceptance, forgiveness, bringing presence, and opening your heart, even at your most vulnerable. However, we often treat love as a destination. This implies being dissatisfied with relationships that don’t arrive at this point. But in reality, love is a journey and an exploration.

The conscious relationship is strongly committed to embodying and practicing love. Thus, love can manifest in the couple’s life and relationship in unimaginable ways.

“True love doesn’t come to you, it has to be inside you.”

-Julia Roberts-

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