Between Arguing and Being Happy, I Prefer Being Happy

Between Arguing and Being Happy, I Prefer Being Happy
Raquel Aldana

Written and verified by the psychologist Raquel Aldana.

Last update: 14 December, 2021

Arguing on a frequent basis sucks the energy out of us, leaves us with no strength, no enthusiasm, and no hope. We drown in anger to the point that it ends up claiming our emotional well being.

When  fighting becomes habitual and we cannot manage to escape from the vicious circle that we have put ourselves in, we suffer. A lot. This is why there are times that we literally need to flee.

Maybe we really love the people who are around us, but when our arguments turn into a way of life, we become a sort of “emotional ogre” and only know how to gripe and come undone.

Woman Swinging, Head Down

The importance of arguing in the right way

It is not a matter of never having arguments, but rather knowing how to choose the battles that are worth fighting and the reasons why others are not. In this sense, arguing has to serve the purpose of lending understanding, validation, and respect: it can never be a way to constantly torture each other.

What happens is that when we are so overcome by irritation, we cannot manage to respond to logical thought. This is why it is important for us to learn to tolerate the frustration of dealing with someone who does not think the same way that we do, which therefore leads to a conflict.

So, we have to know what we should argue over and what we should not. In other words, avoiding argument is never a sign of inferiority, of surrender, or of cowardice. Knowing how to argue and even get angry in the right way is knowing how to manage our emotions. Those that can do so have mastered one area of emotional intelligence.

“Anybody can become angry – that is easy, but to be angry with the right person and to the right degree and at the right time and for the right purpose, and in the right way – that is not within everybody’s power and is not easy.”



Woman in City

The cold war that results from frequent irritation

When we ignore somebody on purpose, we are said to be applying the law of the “cold shoulder.” This is something like hitting someone with the cruel whip of our indifference while offering no sort of explanation or deference.

As is obvious, this never turns out well, no matter how toxic the person is to whom we are applying the law. In fact, let us say that it is the cruelest way to punish a person.

Be it because we want to put an end to a vicious circle of irritation or conflicts that are wearing away at us, or because we do not know what to do in order to free ourselves from somebody, the cold should is a real torture (and as such, an intolerable behavior).

The cold shoulder is a form of emotional abuse that is truly destructive to people and relationships. It turns out this way because if there is anything that we are not prepared to face, it is indifference. So, as we should not let ourselves deliberately hurt another person, we have to avoid applying this law.

Woman in Snow

Arguing without pause takes away our energy to live

When our frequent arguments lead to irritation, we end up getting mad at each other. We get mad at our inability to ever agree on things and not being able to understand each other, we get mad at not being able to enjoy one another.

Little by little, we stop feeling right and each time, we feel more and more confused when faced with our lack of desire to fix things or even to speak to each other. This is natural, because at the end of the day, we have made an enemy of the possibility of expressing our opinions and feelings.

In some way, each irritation that we add to the list supposes a new punishment to our identity and our inner approval. This is why we have to look for a way to break the habit of arguing over silly things, get away from all of this, and start worrying about what really matters: living and appreciating the good things about those who are around us.

This text is provided for informational purposes only and does not replace consultation with a professional. If in doubt, consult your specialist.