7 Steps to Forgetting About Impossible Love
Impossible love is love that can never become a stable relationship, or that ends before it has even started or matured. It seems paradoxical, but this is the kind of love that causes the deepest pain, and sometimes are the hardest to forget. And it is paradoxical because if in the end they never flourish, in theory they should never cause such suffering.
Practical people do not involve themselves in impossible love. When they see that there are not the right conditions to construct to maintain a loving bond, they accept that and they stop themselves on time. However, for others, it is difficult to give up expectations, illusions, or dreams that they built around a relationships. Their feelings become stronger than the signs that the relationship won’t work.
In one way or another, we never forget impossible loves. They leave huge marks on us, precisely because they have not reached a peak nor have they died down: the ideal of the relationship has never been broken. But even when we don’t forget everything, it is possible to process your feelings and set it aside so that you can move forward. These are 7 suggestions for doing this.
“Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.”
1. Define what makes it an impossible love
There is a huge difference between a difficult or problematic love and an impossible love. The latter is not possible. The most typical example, which also carries with it the most emotional problems, is of unrequited love. Maybe it would be better to say that this is when one person loves and needs the other, but the other does not feel the same. Real love is always mutual.
Of course you can try to get someone to go out with you who does not show interest at first. However, it is important to understand that there is a point in which it is necessary to accept when a relationship does not have a future. The same applies to other impossibilities that tend to have the same thing in common: one loves and the other doesn’t. If the feeling is not mutual, it is not possible.
2. Examine your fantasies about love
It often happens that having trouble getting rid of an impossible love comes from fantasies that have become part of our culture. For example, the “soul mate” or the “love of your life”. These stereotypes fuel the idea that there is a person who is “destined” to be our partner.
Though it is a lovely idea, it does not belong in reality. Human beings have the ability to love unconditionally. When you have a relationship, you face its end and you take from it the experience and wisdom it offered, and in general, the next relationship is even better.
3. Recognize the down sides
Falling in love – not love – often makes us idealize people and situations. In some instances we assign assets or attributes to relationships that they really don’t have, or that they only somewhat have. In order to overcome these mental constructions, it’s important that we also look at the negative sides of a relationship.
What defects does that person that you think you love have? Is there or was there anything unsatisfactory about the relationship? Can you think of how these deficiencies and errors would appear in the relationship in 10 years? These are questions that you should ask yourself and try to answer in complete honesty. It’s possible that in the end your perspective might become more realistic.
4. Accept that it’s time to forget
This is the hardest step. It has been shown that when a person wants to be in a relationship and it is not possible, it produces reactions similar to those that addicts have when suffering withdrawal symptoms. Emotional unrest, or even physical unrest, sometimes become to difficult to bear.
And just like in addiction, the hardest thing to accept is that a dependence exists, a dependence that causes deep suffering and a feeling of impotence. It seems easy to admit, but it is not. Sometimes we are capable of making up stories and rationalizing any excuse to not accept that, indeed, we are victims of dependence. Being able to accept this is the most important step. It helps you to focus and clarify which steps to follow.
5. Get rid of ties and do away with mementos
After accepting that it is time to leave that impossible love behind, the next step is starting to cut the ties that are left over. This means not calling, not trying to meet up again, distancing yourself from their friends, and anything else that helps us break those ties that we had with that person. Specifically, we should break our connections with them that we have in social media: they are the most treacherous.
Along the same lines, it is necessary to get rid of mementos. Delete photos, throw away gifts. If you’re not ready to say goodbye to them, just put them together and put them away in a place that is hard for you to access. If you’re more firm in your resolve, break everything. It is a way of dissolving and cutting away the presence of that impossible love.
6. Change your routine, try something new
It’s time to start fresh. Your impossible love probably occupied a lot of time, days, even years. Letting that go will not be easy at all. Nonetheless, if you decide to make a change, little by little everything will become easier for you. There are always things that you have always wanted to do, and for one reason or another you have put it off. Now it’s time to start checking off your “to-do” list.
Saying goodbye forever is also a time when you can push yourself to do new things or see new places. Traveling is always an excellent alternative. Why don’t you try it? It’s also worth it to explore your skills, enroll in a class that will allow you to meet new people or try out an interesting hobby. Life goes on, and there are thousands of things to do.
7. Give time to time
There are different kinds of love. Some of them leave such a deep mark on you that doesn’t leave you, no matter how many changes the tide may have. Impossible love almost always puts its roots down in us for a long time, and calls for us to remember it. It’s something that we could never do from one day to another. It demands determination, courage, and character. It’s going to be difficult and there will be small set backs, but time will help you to grow.
If it is clear to you that you can’t keep feeding a love that can’t be; if you also cut your ties to it and you resolve to start anew, gradually you will find that that person starts to occupy a different space in your head, and in your heart. Progressively you will feel greater peace in your soul. You will discover that in the process of loving and letting go, you have learned and grown much.
Giving up on impossible things is something we must do daily, and regarding love it cannot be less. Whether we want to be or not, many of us are hopeless dreamers. We do not easily accept the idea that limits exist or that sometimes we don’t have another options besides accepting that. The wonderful things is that by finding the limits of our own possibilities and accepting them, we also take a firm step towards becoming better people.
Everything you live through is worth it. Even those frustrations that hurt us so much, because later they become the seed of our greatest achievements. They are also the foundation upon which we construct our adult personality. This is a way of being that allows us to understand that the limit of our romantic fantasies lies in the free will of others.