5 Wounds of the Soul Which Heal, but Leave Scars
In all the time that has passed since we came into this world, any number of things have gone on in our lives. Some have been wonderful, others not so much. We carry around a sack full of experiences that are inevitably accompanying us, no matter how hard we try to avoid them.
We “dig into this sack” when we want to remember all the things which have made us happy. Others, in order not to be forgotten. We seem to try to maintain a sort of “selective amnesia” due to the pain these memories may cause us. Each person’s sack contains things to be proud of, even though we never thought that, with such things, we would also have to carry others which cause us certain sufferings.
This sack has more wisdom regarding you than any book or opinion. It knows the demons you have dragged along, even since your childhood and the many times they have hurt you. It contains all the times you have felt most at home, and the times you have felt completely out of place… It is your personal sack, containing all the things you’ve gone through, even down to your deepest wounds and most intimate experiences.
Every situation you have encountered forms the person you are today. Sometimes these will make you feel happy, while at other times you may feel profoundly miserable. In these moments of dejection our wounds are opened.
We may have believed there were only scars left over after certain life experiences; however, on occasion we feel may them burn once again. This happens because the nature of these scars is to sharply call our attention, because the same sort of wounds could be opening themselves in our lives, again.
Hence, there are a number of wounds which we are able to heal with time, but never finish scarring. These remind us that something or someone may be hurtful or painful to us. A few of these wounds are:
We are humiliated when someone attacks our personal dignity in different manners. This is a form of denigration, be it done privately or publicly, the latter being even tougher to overcome.
The consequences of feeling humiliated will directly affect one’s self-esteem, confidence toward others, and one’s hope in what they do and expect from the world. When someone humiliates you, it feels as though they have taken something away that belonged to you in the cruelest way possible.
Humiliation can be caused over personal appearance, economic status, gender, race, level of intellect, diseases, among others. It may be a clearly identifiable attack, or a distressing or vexatious form of treatment suffered over a lapse of time. It is one of the most difficult situations to overcome due to the psychological implications it generates in us.
“Much trouble would be avoided if those who boast in being satirical took into account that every person, no matter how much of a fool, takes himself very seriously; and that, although some may withstand a frank and loyal contradiction, none will forgive ridicule.”
— Santiago Ramón and Cajal
When someone disappoints us, it destroys all our expectations and hopes. This is a mix of shock, anger, surprise and heartache. It may come from a family member, a childhood friend, a work colleague, or simply someone we considered to be a good person, incapable of betraying certain principles, respect towards us, or towards the world in general.
We may come to feel frustrated by such a disappointment, even depressed, and evidently our ability to trust in others will find itself to be reduced or possibly even eliminated.
When someone betrays us, we usually feel as though everything the person they once said they were, what they fought for, their feelings toward us were not only a lie, but are characterized by being the complete opposite.
Generally when we have been betrayed it is because someone has first taken our trust, we have confided in their word to the very end, and we believed that all their actions were honest and sincere; but we then discover that, in reality, it was all quite the contrary.
What is our first sensation? Disbelief, then possibly anger, sadness, a feeling of having humiliated ourselves. Certainly, the person who was betrayed will feel so at the moment and sometimes remember this act. However, we mustn’t forget that the betrayer will carry this weight on their conscience, and their reputation will be influenced by it.
This won’t necessarily be of any consolation, but in order to continue on in life and overcome such these wounds, we must consider that kindness is generally rewarded, whereas falseness at some point will be punished. Just think and meditate about that a bit…
“Betrayal, even if only dreamed of, is detestable.”
— Félix María Samaniego
Many people say that the most painful of these wounds is indifference, but this may be even worse when suffered by someone who doesn’t deserve it. Ignoring someone is not validating them, acting as though they did not exist; and that’s painful.
There may be a sort of planned indifference in order to cause someone else to suffer. Group indifference towards someone or something to cause intentional damage, or simply an attitude which reveals neither rejection nor acceptance. An attitude by which the target person is ignored in all they speak or feel.
When we suffer indifference from people close to us, without being given a reason of some sort, we feel a sense of worthlessness, as though we are not worthy of receiving an explanation, an apology or notice of their change of attitude due to certain circumstances.
The worst form of indifference towards someone is negligence. For example, parents who may ignore their children’s basic needs, such as food, love or upkeep.
“The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that’s the essence of inhumanity.”
— George Bernard Shaw
This is not an intentional wound, nor is it premeditated, as in the previous cases. The people we love don’t choose to die in order to hurt us. Nevertheless, when they disappear from the world, part of our own world disappears with them.
We live in a world in which it is difficult to find people who are honest and willing to love and truly be loved. Any loss of such a person can be devastating, especially if they have shared an important part of our lives with us, with all the love and memories implied therein.
Even if we overcome them, there are certain wounds that have the ability to continue causing us pain when we are most vulnerable. When we feel lost or sad, when we can’t piece together certain aspects of our identity. The heartbreaking fact that the person who was our greatest consolation in these situations is no longer with us will always be tough, for a long time after it’s happened.